Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Promise Worth Trusting

I feel right now like there are so many things that I would/could/should/want to/need to write about, but I'm just not sure where to start. I just finished my first graduate school semester two days ago, so that has taken up most of my life lately. And what a semester it has been. School itself has been GREAT, but...well, let's just say that more than once I've had the following conversation:

classmate: "I'm so stressed out! School is making me crazy!"

me: "I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Is there anything I can do to help?"

classmate: "Not really, but thanks for asking. Aren't you stressed out too?"

me: "Yes, but not about this. Grad school is the least of my worries!"

There have been multiple times I have coped with some really stressful situations just by throwing myself into my work. I'm not sure that's healthy to do all the time, but in this case it was just what I needed.

We have dealt with a lot since we got home from Africa, and it looks like we will continue to, at least for the near future. We have chosen to commit to living the life God sets before us, and to not choosing something else out of fear of stress or the unknown. Therefore, we are often stressed and don't know.


Those who know me or read this blog know I am a bit of a control freak extremely well-organized (well, except during grad school finals) and I need to know what is going on.

Okay...I want to know. Working on that whole needs vs wants language. But sometimes it feels like a need.

I've gotten to the point that I can accept God has it under control and I don't always need to know- for a little while. But as soon as another layer of stress is piled on top of whatever avalanche we are already under, it seems like I'm back at the starting gate of fear and wanting control (and sometimes just trying to take it) and worry and despair. The consistency is not there yet. Sometimes it even feels like this act I can't get the hang of.

[BTW, I know I just ended a sentence with a preposition, but the alternative was to say "of which I can't get the hang." So you see my dilemma- please have mercy.]

Do you ever feel like you NEED to know what God is up to? What do you do when He doesn't share that with you?

My solution is usually to rely on Scripture:

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes for them." -Romans 8:28

Such a simple and familiar verse that it is easy to forget this is God's Word. It is His promise to us. Even when I'm scared and I wonder what He's doing, that's a promise worth trusting.


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