Unexpected Roots

I come from a family where roots run down deep, generations back all from the same place.  I grew up 5 miles from both grandmas, and spent almost every single weekend at a family birthday party or confirmation or baptism.

I was raised on extended family life.

I watched my parents in their ministry of the here and now, always beautifying and growing their little corner of the world.  It was small and familiar and stable, and it is what allowed them to bring children with incredibly difficult, unstable lives into our family.  As my mom said late one night, as she holds my nephew asleep in the dark while we talk on the living room couches, "It was those roots that gave us that freedom."

It was what I always assumed my life would be- stable.  Move away to college, then come back.  Get married, have babies, and raise them in the same town, church, school, house I brought them home to.

But.

That hasn't been God's plan for my life so far, and it seems it will not be, at least for a long while more. Twenty-one moves in nine years remind me that life has not gone as I planned, and I am not in control.

I trust God's plan, even if I don't understand it.

God has been teaching me for the last few years about roots, and what they mean to Him.  They are not attached to time or place or anything else of this world; those are foundations of sand.  He is teaching me that He is the only safe place to attach and dwell and draw Living Water.  Geographical stability is not lasting; I am learning to drink life from the Eternal.

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Linking to 5 Minute Friday at Gypsy Mama.

Blind Obedience

A few weeks ago, God told me to stop taking new weddings.

It was a shock- and yet it wasn't.  I was surprised, yet looking back I can see whispers of Him preparing my heart.

I obeyed.  It was hard, but there is something about the energy of the time after a decision- it's a certainty, a conviction that makes obedience a little easier.

It's after the shiny newness of obedience wears off- like, say, now- when it takes looking straight up at God and putting one foot in front of the other.  To look around and get your bearings is to realize your decision doesn't make sense by the world's standards.

I am there.

I don't know what the end result of this is.  I don't know if I am done with weddings for a time or forever.  On this road, the explanation is around the bend, hidden from my view.  And there are so. many. other things going on that I don't understand right now.

I am blinded, and I think God wants it that way.

He wants me to be utterly confounded, so that there is no way I can rely on logic or reason or "figuring this out."  He is reminding me this is His story, not mine.

A few months ago, I was reading this blog post when this quote grabbed my attention:

"Lord, you are God and I am not.  May your will, not mine, be done."

I wrote it on a post-it and stuck it on my bathroom mirror until it finally fell off.  By then I had it memorized.

 The funny thing is that it doesn't say "May your will be done when it agrees with mine."  Wouldn't it be great if it worked that way?  Okay, on second thought, maybe not.  But that seems to be my leaning.

And it's sin.

And God is cleansing my heart of it...one foot in front of the other...one step at a time.

Burden

I always miss Africa and the people there with whom we built relationships.  But some days- or most usually, nights- I miss Africa and her children more acutely.  I am deeply burdened, to the point that I experience it physically.  And I pray for them and think about them and love them, but it still hurts. 

And I want it to.

Not because I'm a masochist or experiencing self-hatred or something, but because I know it's part of God's way of communicating with me.  His children are hurting.  They may be a world away, but they are just as important to Him as any other human being.

He uses this pain to speak to me, to us.  Although we've been back for a while now, Josh and I talk- to God and to each other- about Africa all the time.  And He talks to us.  Not in long, drawn-out epics, but in tiny little snippets that remind us of His plan and His heart, and that remind us of where our plans and hearts need to be.

Following Him, at all cost.

And I beg Him to tell me more RIGHT NOW, because how can He expect me to live with this deep, aching pain in my heart if He won't tell me all the details of what to do about it?

But He has His plan, and His timing, and His way.

 ⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.
                                             - Isaiah 55:8-9

I thank Him and praise Him for His Word, for sharing these truths with me.  I am so grateful that, even when I don't know, He does.  I don't need to know, because He is all-knowing and loving and trustworthy.  I cling to these verses, as I have since He turned my heart to see Him in the people of Africa. Not only does He care fore me, but He cares for them, too.

Sometimes it hurts more than I think I can bear.  LOVE hurts.  Not in some 80's ballad sort of way, but in a real, sacrificial, Savior-dying-for-my-sins kind of way.  Jesus uses this burden to chip away at the hollow, hardened shell that is my heart, exchanging it for infusions of His.  All I can do is wait and listen and be revived.

That, and find comfort in the fact that God loves these people more than I do.  Even when I love with my whole heart, it pales in comparison.  He is more than enough for them- and me.

Short-Term Missions Trips

I just wanted to share a quick link with you- seriously, it will take like 5 minutes to read it. To be honest, I am afraid to even broach the subject, like I am afraid to discuss many. Our time in Namibia turned many of our preconceptions on our head. About giving. About serving. About Love. About evangelism. Most importantly, about God.

Up until this point, our lives since we got home have been about surviving, enduring transition, and clinging to Jesus as we re-integrate to this now-somewhat-foreign culture that used to feel like home. It doesn't anymore. Nowhere does completely (for more, check out this past post). And we are okay with that. It has been a really intense time, in so many ways, and we've sometimes struggled with being real and honest, when everyone wants a happy face and a positive report.

The most often-asked question we receive is [often with a wistful sigh] "Wasn't it amazing?" followed by close second in "I can't imagine the fun you had!"

I nod politely and mumble something about us being at peace that was where God wanted us at the time, but inside I am screaming:

"NO! Are you crazy? It was not fun! How can you think I could enjoy seeing people suffer from disease, death, poverty, hunger, abuse, spiritual lies, and things I could never even write here because most hearts can't handle it?????"

Yes, it was amazing- but not in the way they think. I think the best word to describe it is "satisfying."

My heart is forever broken by the things we experienced. Not that it's not joyful about so many triumphs, but my blissful ignorance was shattered. I have seen a greater hurt, one that only Jesus can heal- but don't read that too quickly. The important part is that Jesus CAN heal.

There is so much I want to say, and so much I need to process. Things that aren't necessarily fun or pretty or peaceful. Please take it all with a grain of salt.

He didn't teach us those hard lessons only for us to keep it to ourselves. If there is one thing we have discovered about our first time out, it's that he was laying foundation.

And that is truly the hardest, and most important part of building anything. I feel it. The weight and responsibility of it. The necessity of not forgetting. Needing to not waste even one moment. Just when I think I can't handle one more tiny bit of stress or change, it has come.
But He has been faithful, so faithful. More than I can ever articulate.

I know He has a brilliant and beautiful plan, one I can't fully see, yet. He is worthy of my trust.

I guess this post didn't exactly go as planned, but that's okay. It's pretty much analogous to life, huh? There will be more on short-term mission trips, and so much else. Please allow me to share with you on this journey.

A Promise Worth Trusting

I feel right now like there are so many things that I would/could/should/want to/need to write about, but I'm just not sure where to start. I just finished my first graduate school semester two days ago, so that has taken up most of my life lately. And what a semester it has been. School itself has been GREAT, but...well, let's just say that more than once I've had the following conversation:

classmate: "I'm so stressed out! School is making me crazy!"

me: "I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Is there anything I can do to help?"

classmate: "Not really, but thanks for asking. Aren't you stressed out too?"

me: "Yes, but not about this. Grad school is the least of my worries!"

There have been multiple times I have coped with some really stressful situations just by throwing myself into my work. I'm not sure that's healthy to do all the time, but in this case it was just what I needed.

We have dealt with a lot since we got home from Africa, and it looks like we will continue to, at least for the near future. We have chosen to commit to living the life God sets before us, and to not choosing something else out of fear of stress or the unknown. Therefore, we are often stressed and don't know.

Terrific.

Those who know me or read this blog know I am a bit of a control freak extremely well-organized (well, except during grad school finals) and I need to know what is going on.

Okay...I want to know. Working on that whole needs vs wants language. But sometimes it feels like a need.

I've gotten to the point that I can accept God has it under control and I don't always need to know- for a little while. But as soon as another layer of stress is piled on top of whatever avalanche we are already under, it seems like I'm back at the starting gate of fear and wanting control (and sometimes just trying to take it) and worry and despair. The consistency is not there yet. Sometimes it even feels like this act I can't get the hang of.

[BTW, I know I just ended a sentence with a preposition, but the alternative was to say "of which I can't get the hang." So you see my dilemma- please have mercy.]

Do you ever feel like you NEED to know what God is up to? What do you do when He doesn't share that with you?

My solution is usually to rely on Scripture:

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes for them." -Romans 8:28

Such a simple and familiar verse that it is easy to forget this is God's Word. It is His promise to us. Even when I'm scared and I wonder what He's doing, that's a promise worth trusting.

An Update:

It’s been a long time since I gave a general update, and as usual so much has happened.

After we got back in April, we spent a month living with my parents so we would have the opportunity to rest up and ease back into American culture. This time was invaluable; not only were we able to spend a lot of time with them and with God, but we were able to take a few weeks off before going back to work.

We were able to give presentations to several classes in the schools around our hometown, which was an absolute privilege. It’s pretty unusual for people in our area to live across the world, so it was fun to be able to encourage them to think big and realize their full potential. They were so attentive to or stories and pictures of the kids we had worked with. We tried to get them to realize that they could have been born in Namibia in those same situations. Empathy can’t be taught, but compassion can be encouraged. Of course, given the fact the schools were public, we could share very little in terms of the Gospel, but we were able to answer a few insightful questions regarding our philosophy of missions. It was an absolute privilege.

Over the summer we lived in a wonderful, furnished home owned by a sweet couple in our hometown. They have a cabin up north that they stay at during the summer, so staying at their house was the perfect situation for us because we were able to rent it without having to sign a long lease while knowing we’ be moving for graduate school in September.

Josh got a job working at a trucking and manufacturing company he worked for in college, and continued to look for employment in his field. He was eventually hired on by a company that builds and maintains cell phone towers, and is really enjoying it. He is able to do work that counts towards his journeyman’s license, and will hopefully be able to get that within the next year.

I started my own photography company, and have been staying busy with that. I am learning so much, have had a great response so far, and a ton of fun. I am getting ready to push to a new level soon, with some promotions and advertising coming up. I am excited to see how God uses this.

We taught VBS, and were able to give a presentation to the kids. Two years ago, the VBS mission offering went to us, and last year we used that money for a VBS for our kids in Africa, as well as for the youth program. We thought it was important to show the kids that, when you donate money to missionaries, it really does go toward important things. Sometimes I think kids just think the offering money disappears, but we showed them pictures to prove otherwise! : ) We are hoping to do more presentations at our supporting churches this winter, so that we have time to let everything sink in, pray about what God wants us to share, and put together a presentation. We don’t want to waste this opportunity to show others about God’s love for all of His people. If you would like us to speak at your church, please leave a comment or email me.

We were able to buy a car a couple of weeks ago, which was a huge blessing filling an absolute need. It’s not anything beautiful, but it does the job. We only had one car between the two of us, as Josh’s had died just weeks before we left for Africa, and we needed one so he would be able to drive back and forth to work (he commutes an hour each way on average) and I could drive to school. It was a much-appreciate answer to lots of prayer, and a reminder of Gods provision.

Other than that, we have been spending lots of time with friends and family. It has been at times challenging, at times wonderful, but always exciting being able to become reacquainted with one another. We were able to have dinner with each side of our family almost once per week since coming home, and have spent almost every Friday night with a few of our best friend from… well, forever. We have been so mightily blessed.

We continue to pray about our future in missions, and would appreciate your prayers for clarity regarding Gods will.

1000 Words Photography by Nicole Wilke

I have had several people tell me they didn't know I had a photography blog, but I totally do. I have been doing photography professionally since we got home, and it has been a huge blessing in my life. I want to tell you a little more about how it came about, but first let me connect to you the relevant information. You can visit my photography blog here. If you would like to subscribe via email, which means you will receive an email message each time I publish a new post of pictures, you can just scroll down to the very bottom of the page and enter your email address into the box there. Then hit subscribe, and you should be good!

As I say in the intro to the blog, professional photography was never one of my goals. It's a passion that just happened into my life, and I am so thrilled it did. It's another one of those situations where God's plans were so different (and better) than mine. While I was praying about how I would pay for graduate school, I spent a lot of time meditating and just listening for God. I eventually felt Him say that wedding photography would be the way He would cover the cost. I was shocked!!! Although I had worked in a photo studio in high school, that had been the full extent of my professional experience. Josh and I prayed about it and both felt God was confirming this, so I decided to pursue it.

Due to the fact we were living in Africa for the time, my start in wedding photography was a little unorthodox, to say the least. After much prayer, we decided the best way for me to gain experience would be to volunteer to do photo shoots for people in our community (in all of my extra free time- ha!). Babies, seniors, weddings, etc.- they were easy to come by, because photographers are few and far between in less westernized areas. People were so eager to have their picture taken. For some, it will possibly be the only time they will ever be photographed.

From those shoots I gained experience with all the fundamentals, and more importantly in working with people from behind a camera. Most people don't feel at home in front of the lens, and it is my job to connect with them, and help them to relax. It is my job to help them be themselves, so that I might capture their spirit on film. For your viewing pleasure, I have included a few examples of my recent work. Check out my blog for more!

I love people and relationships, love and family. I love being able to freeze time for an instant, and to immortalize a memory on film. I love what I am doing, and am exciting to see how God uses it. If your interested, you should check out the blog, and join me on this journey of discovery.

We Will Praise You In This Storm, cont'd

Continued from another post- read the first part here.

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I laid down on the bathroom floor, staring toward the ceiling in the dark, numb. I felt as if I should cry... but no tears came.

My mom's text: Their house is gone.
I can't even wrap my mind around it. Memories, safety, security- the flew away with the building.

What if we lose them? Are they safe? Injured? I can't stand the thought. I push it out of my mind.

I pray.

I plead.

I struggle.

I want to praise God in this storm. It is a reminder of His mighty power, His strength, and His complete control. We are so obviously utterly helpless, which oddly feels more comfortable than when we are helpless but refuse to admit it.

But words seem so shallow and meaningless at this point. I often hear people talking about praising God through a storm, but what does that look like? I think that, more than pretty words, He wants our sincere trust and resignation to His will. I don't think anyone is grateful to find out they have cancer, or is thrilled to lose their job or, God forbid, a child. If God knows our hearts- and I believe He does- language that reflects the attitude we want to have about a situation is not what He wants to hear.

As I laid there praying, I remembered that this is part of the Holy Spirit's job, according to one of my favorite passages:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we
ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that
words can not express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of
the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with
God's will." - Romans 8:26-27

You know what? I love this passage. It gives me so much peace to know that I just can't fail at praying. The Holy Spirit guides us, and stands in the gap for us. The only way to fail is to not pray at all. As for praising God in difficult times, I think He wants our sincere love and trust, our awe of His might, our surrender to His will, more than He wants us to pretend we like everything that's happening. After all, He already knows my heart; I can't pretend with God.

We Will Praise You In This Storm

I am literally in the middle of a storm (on Thursday night). I'm not talking about a metaphorical, blog-type storm, but rather a storm system full of tornadoes. We have been sitting in the basement bathroom of the house we rent, just hanging out. The lights have flickered, but the internet has stayed on the whole time, which is one of those curious modern-day situations I can't quite understand.

This storm has been...well, intense. Usually it seems as if the National Weather Service issues a tornado warning, we all seek shelter, and nothing happens.

But this time is different.

I am not sure of all the facts right now. What I do know is that the radio keeps throwing around phrases like "half-mile wide tornado," and "people trapped in their house," and "warning has been extended."

The house of our dear family friends just flew away- with them underneath it. It's so strange for me to even imagine. All I can think of is the "Wizard of Oz." I was literally at the beach with them this morning. Until I heard that they were safely at my parent's house, all I could wonder was if that was the last time I would see them. There are literally holes in their yard from where trees were just picked up out of the ground. They are rounding up cattle because all of their outbuildings are gone, too.

I think we here death and destruction and disaster sensationalized so much on the news nowadays (I cannot believe I just used that word), that we forget the layers present in ever story, in every number. Each number is a life, full of hopes and dreams and responsibilities and potential. Each life connects to hundreds of other lives. God loves each life each number represents. When tragedy hits home- literally- it challenges you to actually think, to feel, to have compassion for others. In some ways, desensitization may be healthy- imagine if we were overcome with grief every time we heard about something horrible happening. We would hardly be able to function in daily life (as someone who is strongly mercy-oriented, I say this from experience). However, being desensitized to the point of not feeling is pathological.

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The National Weather Service tornado warning for our area finally expired. Now it's time for dinner (at 9pm), so this will have to be continued... : )

Joy to the World

As we wrapped up our time in Africa, I looked back over some of my old journal entries and found a few that I would like to share. Today's is from December 5, 2009:
________________________

Tonight [at camp] we watched a skit on Creation. In it, the soundtrack said that man was created on the 6th day, with a purpose to make babies and enjoy God's creation. As believers, I have to imagine there was more to it than that, and we are to share the Gospel, love others, and glorify God.

But what if that is what we were truly created for?I know it was before the Fall, but might God still want these to be a part of our lives? Like a significant part?

How many people do I know that I think of as joyful? I know people whom I consider to be industrious, gracious, successful, faithful, sensitive, and a million other positive adjectives, but very few who I would describe as joyful. In fact, if I think of the top 3 characteristics (as I perceive them) of people I know, not many are joy. This should not be considered a negative reflection on them; rather, I think they may be a representative cross-section of our culture. Is it culturally motivated? I don't know. It certainly doesn't seem to be a priority in our society.

Another possibility is that it has to do with me. No, I am not suggesting that the mere circumstance of knowing me strips one of one's joy. However, it may be that I don't know how to recognize joy. I wouldn't say it is one of my 3 primary characteristics, or even my top 10. If this is what we are created for, that's a scary thought.

Maybe it is a result of sin being in the world...that sin would rob us of our joy doesn't seem far-fetched.

Are we really even sure of how to define joy? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that if it is what God created us for, I want more of it.

This Is No Sacrifice

We are home in the States, safe and sound.

Even though I have quotes set to continue to load every day for the near future, I felt a pull to post today. After all, this post needs to come on Easter...

Today, as I was sitting at Josh's parents house, I was thinking about Easter and all that it means. It seems that with all of the traveling and reacquainting and settling in and jet lag (we slept 15 hours on Saturday!!!), I have hardly had time to focus on God this weekend. I know most people use "not enough time" as a lame excuse, but I am completely serious and literal about it right now

Of course, that just isn't good enough. It is in these times that we must push ourselves to make time, and to show God that He is our priority.

Everyone goes on about the sacrifices Josh and I have made this last year- being away from family & friends, living in a brutal climate, acclimating to a new culture, etc. And yes, while the last year has been a blessing and privilege in many ways, it has also been a sacrifice. As a result of our decision to be obedient to God's calling on our lives, our families and friends have also had to sacrifice. It has been a challenge for us all.

But when considering "sacrifice", the term is somewhat relative. Relative to the cushy American lifestyle of TV, internet, personal vehicles, homes with multiple bedrooms, vacations, fast food, etc., our choice might look somewhat significant. But this weekend we celebrate God's sacrifice, when He gave His only Son to die for our sins. On a cross; a criminal's death. He was perfect and had done no wrong, but He suffered the consequences of my sin. He died for the salvation of the whole world, but He would have done it for any one of us.

That's real sacrifice. That is the measure against which I want to model my life. To know that my life is no sacrifice, because it isn't really mine at all.

Our dear friend Britt taught a song (by Jason Upton) that has really resonated with me this past year. The chorus says:

"Your thoughts are higher than mine
and your words are deeper than mine.
Your love is stronger than mine.
This is no sacrifice; here's my life."

People often ask us if we will return to Africa. The reality is that we just aren't sure. At this point, it seems that God may be leading us back there, but all the details are hazy and incomprehensible, so really nothing official to report. What I do know is this: I pray God will give us the courage and strength to obey His call, no matter what it might be- whenever, wherever, however. It is terrifying, especially given the fact that we know God may call us to things that are a little different than for most. But what is my life for, if not to do His will? There is nothing I can do to repay Jesus for His mercy, love, generosity, and selflessness. As I see it, all I have to give Him is everything that I am.

Lives that Fill a Book

We are a little isolated here in Rehoboth, somewhat intentionally. Internet is expensive (unless you are willing to succumb to insanity- which I sometimes do), and we don’t have a TV. So, aside from the occasional newspaper, we don’t have many sources for news of the world.

When you are away from everything you know, it is so easy to become distracted, to focus on “there” instead of concentrating on what needs to be done “here.” We know God brought us here for a reason, and that we need to be fully present wherever it is that He puts us, and in whatever task He sets before us. For me, at least, avoiding distractions is key.

So imagine my SHOCK when I read a friend’s blog post that mentioned the earthquake in Haiti. I did a little research, and one of the first things that came up on my search was that as many as 100,000 people are presumed dead- can you imagine such a number?

Lately, God has been really convicting me about the importance of people and relationships, about the power of one. As a task-oriented person by nature, I often need this little reminder. While I have been mulling over how we will explain our time and work in Africa to our supporters and loved ones when we return, He has shown me more of Himself, of His ways. I am very detail oriented, and I love to keep track of facts and numbers and statistics, and no doubt these will play a role in our presentations and conversations. But God has shown me that, to Him, it’s not about the numbers, but about the lasting impact. If 37 people make a “decision for Jesus,” but are then never discipled and taught how to have a relationship with Him, where is the eternal value? If 432 kids come to a camp, but no one takes the time to pour into the lives of individuals, how does that bring them closer to Jesus? However, if even one life is truly changed, heaven celebrates. God loves each person THAT much. To know His opinion on the power of one individual, we only have to look at the life of His Son. Because all of this, the faith that is true and the ability to have a relationship with the Creator of the universe? It started with a baby boy.

I say all this to emphasize one point- it is not a mass of 100,000 people that may have died in Haiti. It is 100,000 individuals, real people with kids and struggles and anxieties and dreams. Give or take (depending on font, spacing, etc.) there are between 2,622 and 3,818 characters in one typed page (according to Wiki Answers). Even if we went with the high end of that estimation, it would take more than 26 pages to type just one character per person estimated dead as a result of the earthquake in Haiti. But honestly, shouldn’t each person get at least one word? There are around 500 words per page (single-spaced), so it would take 200 pages to right just one word for each person- that’s a book! I tell you these facts because I need quantification, to have a representation in terms I can just begin to understand. The magnitude is staggering. Every one of those words represents an entire biography.

While living in Africa, I have witnessed oppressive poverty and suffering. One of my most fervent prayers has been that God would not allow my heart to grow calloused to the pain around me. It is so easy to adapt, to think of it as normal. God has blessed me with the ability to hurt for others here, to feel compassion, to have the motivation to act and to love. At times my heart just feels raw from emotion, almost painful…but that’s what it takes to really care…The reality is that we need to care for the poor in all times, not just when there is a crisis that makes the 6:00 news. How many times have I turned a blind eye to the suffering of others???

And then to see yet more pain- I couldn’t help but just cry, and cry out to God- Why? I will never understand tragedy like this; I will never understand how it glorifies Him. I imagine many people are asking the same question, and wondering how a loving God can allow this kind of suffering. I don’t know. But, I am reminded that His thoughts are higher than mine, from a verse that I have very much come to rely on this year:

“ “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher that your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” ”- Isaiah 55:8-9

It is such a comfort to me to know that I don’t have to understand it, that I don’t have to be able to explain it all. To believe Him, to trust Him- it’s enough.

‘Tis the Season, Part II

I am a traditionalist. I like repetition, continuity, knowing what to expect. I won’t have that this year. But the reality is that, even if Namibians celebrated Christmas exactly as we do at home, it wouldn’t be the same. But draw back, look at the big picture. It is not the traditions alone that are special, it is time spent with family and friends that makes the holiday season fun and exciting. Most people stop there, with reminding themselves that Christmas is not about gifts and decorations and parties, and that people are more important. That’s a step in the right direction, just not far enough. Even time spent with loved ones can distract us from the real reason for our celebration.
I know you know the story, but we can never hear it enough. The Son of God humbled Himself to become a part of our world. He was born a tiny baby, precious, helpless, and dependent. He lived life on earth, knew humanity, our struggles, joys, and pain. Jesus Christ became a servant to others. He saw firsthand how sinful and flawed we are, but He still chose to die for us. He chose; nobody forced Him, He did it out of love greater than we can imagine. He took our punishment, in order that we might be saved from our consequences and be able to have an eternal relationship with Him. He would have done it for any one of us.

It all started with a baby, born on this day.

If someone who didn’t know what Christmas was looked at your life during the holidays- how you spend your time, what you say, your behavior- what would they see? I am ashamed to say that I am usually stressed about buying the right gifts and fitting the celebrations into our schedule and food and decorations… I could go on. I get so caught up in celebrating Christ’s birth that I forget I am to reflect Him.
Being away from home for the holidays is so hard. I miss my family and friends more, and I know they miss us. It is not lost on us that we are blessed to be able to say that; many people can’t. But, being away from everything we are accustomed to has challenged me (Josh, too, but I won’t speak for him here). I want to celebrate Jesus without being distracted by things that really aren’t important. I want to be a light, to reflect Him to others. I want to laugh and cry with joy and praise for a Creator that loves me so much that He saved me from my sins. On Christmas, our Savior was born, and that’s more than enough to celebrate.

Raindrops and Bare Feet

Written 9/24/09
Week 28

We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it- Mother Theresa

Today I felt a raindrop- it hit me right on the side of the nose. There was also a spot every 3 feet or so that had evidence of a raindrop- yes, a single one (this was a light rain). Allegedly it rained last week, but this is the first I have seen or felt rain since April, making the seemingly mundane newsworthy.

The “bare feet” referred to in the title aren’t ours; Josh would faint if I ever went out without shoes. It’s a bit risky, with broken glass, thorns, hookworm (only in moist places, so not in dry season), and scorpions (which is not to say kids don’t go barefoot, like, all the time). Instead, they belong to an 11-year-old boy we have befriended, D. He was supposed to leave for [farm] school 2 weeks ago, but we saw him walking along the street in town. We stopped and asked why he wasn’t in school, and he said it was because he doesn’t have shoes.

It’s true; countless kids are kept out of school due to not being able to afford school fees, shoes, or a uniform. They are born poor, so they shouldn’t be educated? How much potential and human capital is being sacrificed by condemning these children to a life simply focused on survival? Growing up in the U.S., I just took it for granted that education was free and mandatory.

How many pairs of shoes do you have? This includes casual shoes, work boots, athletic footwear, dress shoes, slippers, sandals and flip-flops, etc. I did a search, and found out the average American woman owns somewhere between 19 and 27 pairs of shoes (no results for men). If we each cut back to just 5 pairs, think of how many kids we could send to school with the money formerly allocated to footwear.

Josh and I know we cannot single-handedly support every kid, but D was so close to being able to go. We bought him some shoes (costing less than 20 American dollars), some socks, and some school supplies. Although he was thankful, he’s an 11-year-old boy, so he wasn’t super-enthusiastic about getting school supplies. But his grandma? She looked at us as if we had gone crazy (I love that look!)

We were so grateful for this opportunity. Sometimes it is really difficult to know who to help, where the legitimate need is. Remember that when we say “yes” to someone, we are essentially saying “no” to someone else, as there are limited resources. We have been praying for God to show us very specific ways in which to serve others, and He has blessed us abundantly.

Recently, we were listening to a song by Chris Rice, and these lyrics really touched us:

See you had no choice which day you would be born
Or the color of your skin, or what planet you’d be on
Would your mind be strong, would your eyes be blue or brown
Whether daddy would be rich, or if momma stuck around at all

So if you find yourself in a better place
You can’t look down on the frown on the other guy’s face
You gotta stoop down low, look him square in the eye
And get a funny feeling, ‘cause you might be dealing ...

How did I find myself in a better place
I can’t look down on the frown on the other guy’s face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ

How did I find myself in a better place? I ask God that question every single day.

Irresistible Revolution

Josh and I have had a tremendous talking to and learning from our country director and his wife (this week, we are doing orientation). They are firm in their opinions, and love Jesus with all their hearts. They are not just nominal Christians, but followers of Christ. It has been a privilege listening to what God has shown them.

I have begun reading a book I borrowed from them this week, The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical, by Shane Claiborne. Although I agree with only about 60-70% of what he says, I wholeheartedly recommend it. He has the most important stuff right. Even when you don’t agree with the author, this book will challenge you to examine your beliefs, and how you live them out. It doesn’t hurt that he has an entertaining writing style, and lots of fun anecdotes.

Here’s what the book has reminded me of: I want to be radical. I want to genuinely love the people no one else wants to love, not just in Africa, but at home, too. One person at a time. And I mean REALLY love them, not the I-don’t-hate-you-so-that-means-I-love-you fallacy that has invaded the Church. I want to be a friend to them, to share my life with them and theirs with me. I want to give generously because it is my heart’s desire, and not just an obligation. How many coats do you need anyway? (see Matthew 5:40)

“Love without courage and wisdom is sentimentality, as with the ordinary church
member. Courage without love and wisdom is foolhardiness, as with the ordinary
soldier. Wisdom without love and courage is cowardice, as with the ordinary
intellectual. But the one who has love, courage, and wisdom moves the world.”
-Ammon Hennacy

The term “christian” has lost its flavor (Matthew 5:14-16). I want to be a radical follower of Christ. Semantics? Maybe. But for those who are serious, the world needs to be prepared for a change.

To be continued…

Man vs. Wild

One day back in early September (before our assignment to Kenya fell through), I decided to watch a show called “Man vs. Wild” with Josh. We aren’t huge TV watchers, but I knew it was a show he enjoyed, so I thought I should check it out. The basic premise of the show is that a former member of British Special Forces is dropped into uninhabited wilderness, charged with the task of reaching civilization using only what he finds along the way. Some examples of "survival techniques" presented on the show are eating raw game, eating beetle larva and other insects, filterig urine into drinking water (using a found plastic bag), spearing and eating stingray; you get the idea. It often takes days to reach his destination, and the environment is truly inhospitable.

Entertaining.

We had recorded a few episodes, and one description said it was in Namibia, a country in Africa, so I chose that one as my introductory episode of “Man vs. Wild.” It’s a long way from Kenya, but what do I know about Africa? Any knowledge is worth something. On this particular episode, he was dropped by helicopter to a rocky coast consisting of 60 miles of desert. It is impossible to safely reach land from the water, as the piercing shoreline will demolish any ship. In fact, the reason they chose this location is that many individuals have survived these shipwrecks only to die in the desert. I looked at Josh and said (with a sigh of relief), “Praise the Lord He’s not sending us there.”

Guess where we are going, people. Yeah, that’s right. We have a new assignment- to Namibia.

Shocked? Me, too.

Laughing so hard you just fell off your chair? Hmm.

I decided to keep my mouth shut and just never say anything like that again, ever. Well, it’s the thought that counts, right?

Thankfully, the location of our assignment is pretty much inconsequential to Josh and I. We are just thrilled to have an assignment. I think we may end up loving Namibia.

Our Status

Just a quick update to let you know our current status

• Our former assignment in Kenya fell through. We are disappointed, but grateful that God was so clear in showing us it was not a part of His will for us
• We are currently praying about an assignment in Tanzania. It is not exactly what we originally envisioned, but we are just trying to be open to the Lord's leading
• We have continued our efforts to raise support from individuals and families. Almost all of the support packets have been assembled and sent, although a few are lagging behind because I am searching for the addresses and such.
• We have continued our efforts to raise support from churches. We have met with the mission boards of two churches so far, and yesterday we had the opportunity to share with the congregations of two wonderful churches in the area. Additionally, I began making follow-up calls to churches today. I had moderate success with those I contacted, but after having a dozen or so go to voice mail, I realized it is Monday, and many churches are closed.
• Prayer requests: for clarity in assignment, and that potential supporters would seek the Lord's will and be obedient to it, whatever that may be.
  

The Nightmare

At our wedding last year, I got a migraine. I had taken drugs, had Uncle Rob (a chiropractor) work on me, and had prayed a lot, but it soon became clear I would have to go to the hospital.

This is me after the ceremony that was perfect for Josh and I. As soon as we completed the recessional, I said something to Josh about having felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and how perfectly it went. I said that, even if nothing else went right, it would still be an amazing day. It was, but keeping my mouth shut would have saved me a lot of pain and suffering (life lesson, kids).

During this picture, I look happy, right? What I'm thinking is something akin to "Oh, Lord, take me now."

We went to the reception. It took only 15 minutes to make it from car to front door (50 ft?) because walking made me nauseas. Talking and thinking did, too. We entered the reception accompanied by loving applause; yeah, that went over BIG inside the cranium. It's amazing what a smile can cover up.

Here, I am thinking that endorphins and serotonin may help me feel slightly better. Josh was thinking that he hadn't kissed in more than 3 years, and he had to make up for lost time.

Eventually, is was clear the headache wasn't going away. Luckily the lights were low because I had to leave, bawling, to go to the hospital. Of course, this was after arguing with my new husband that he should stay at the reception (I was very concerned about leaving our guests). I lost.

At this point, as you can imagine, I am thinking quasi-nightmare scenario: I won't get to enjoy the reception and dance I've planned for a year, I will be sick all night, I won't get to dance with my husband or do the father-daughter dance. I had been working so hard all day to just enjoy the moment, to not stress, but this was insane.

We got to the hospital, and the secretary actually asked me if it was my wedding day. No, I wear a large white ball gown with a train every day, and he wears a white tux. Now, I recognize that she was trying to be sympathetic and make small talk, but anyone who has had a migraine can tell you that was the last thing I was interested in. Just give me the drugs...

Miraculously, the drugs worked very quickly, and we were able to return to the reception. So many people were praying for us, and God definitely intervened. I thought most people would have gone home, but we still had around 300 people there. Some people said they never even missed us- a compliment for the DJ (who was incredible, and from a Christian DJ company called Beautiful Day DJs).

We cut cake, danced, laughed, and enjoyed a glorious evening until well after midnight. God is faithful.

It's Kind of Like Swimming...

Mission work is no vacation. Just in my limited missions experience, I've gone for weeks without showers, traveled to foreign countries where no one speaks my language, lived with people I've never met before, eaten things I won't even mention here, not been able to call home for months, been tracked by the government, had my room ransacked by "maids" who turned out to be spies, had things that looked like they were from a science-fiction movie crawl out of my shower drain, and have had to speak in code, lest be deported. (Wow- at this point I sound so much cooler than I really am.)

But the thing I most dread about mission work is "support raising." This is pretty much a euphemism for begging in the name of God. To be sure, it is a necessary part of mission work, as we don't want to be a burden on those we are serving, but raising support is most definitely a humbling and challenging experience.

The first challenge is explaining to those around you how you know you are called to serve the Lord in a distant land. Why can't you just serve Him right here? We certainly have need in America. For a look at how the need compares, view East Africa Statistics or Cultural Disparity). Are you sure you aren't projecting your own desires onto something you term "God's Will?" If it were about my desires, we'd be talking about a beach in Hawaii, not a disease-ridden, snake-infested, poverty-stricken region. How do you know for sure you are called? Well, it follows Scripture, we have had many confirmations through people and events, and we have a sense of peace. Beyond that, how do really explain God's calling to another person? As far as I am concerned, it's kind of like swimming: you can read books, get advice, watch people swim, wonder about it, try it, but until you actually are able to do it, you don't know.

A second challenge is explaining to people we are not mentally insane, just obsessed with serving the Lord. Yes, we are aware of the recent political instability of the area. Honestly, I don't think it has ever been stable, and it won't be in the near future- so no time like the present, right?! Yes, there is disease, poverty, wild game, pickpockets, crime, pollution, bad traffic...it sounds like some parts of Minneapolis to me.

The most challenging, and humbling, part of raising support isn't sending out hundreds of support letters or taking meeting after meeting with churches. Rather, it is adequately reaching another person's heart with the vision God has set in front of you. We have come up against roadblocks in the past, as with a couple who told Josh that they thought it was time he "did this on his own." Can you imagine if everyone had that attitude? There would be no missionaries, because it is completely unrealistic. Thankfully, many people are willing to support missionaries with either financial assistance or prayer, both vitally important to missions. Josh and I are passionate about the work we will be doing, as well as where and with whom we'll be working. As it wasn't even on our radar 1 year ago, we know it is from the Lord. We will do what it takes to be obedient- sacrifice our own plans, time, comfort...and even ask other people to catch the vision.

AIM

Although we are not yet certain of our assignment, there is plenty to learn about the organization we will be serving with- Africa Inland Missions (http://www.aimint.org/usa/). When we began to look for organizations we could possibly serve with, we found many that met most of our criteria- committed to presenting the Gospel, service, love, compassion, cross-cultural understanding, etc. AIM set itself apart by an emphasis on serving others while preserving their dignity. If you would like to know more, please take the time to visit their website.

Incidentally, as I begin to unlock the many mysteries of the blogging world (bet some of you didn't even know it existed) (oh, yeah- me, neither), I've been adding elements to the page/site/home/whatever-you-call-it. As you can see, we now have prayer requests and a slide show of some pictures. (I think it makes this whole operation look more official ;)
[If you find the Sudan (large yellow country in East Africa), you can see the two countries we are most likely to be assigned to. Directly below the Sudan, in pink, lies Uganda. Just east of Uganda is Kenya, in orange.]