Blind Obedience

A few weeks ago, God told me to stop taking new weddings.

It was a shock- and yet it wasn't.  I was surprised, yet looking back I can see whispers of Him preparing my heart.

I obeyed.  It was hard, but there is something about the energy of the time after a decision- it's a certainty, a conviction that makes obedience a little easier.

It's after the shiny newness of obedience wears off- like, say, now- when it takes looking straight up at God and putting one foot in front of the other.  To look around and get your bearings is to realize your decision doesn't make sense by the world's standards.

I am there.

I don't know what the end result of this is.  I don't know if I am done with weddings for a time or forever.  On this road, the explanation is around the bend, hidden from my view.  And there are so. many. other things going on that I don't understand right now.

I am blinded, and I think God wants it that way.

He wants me to be utterly confounded, so that there is no way I can rely on logic or reason or "figuring this out."  He is reminding me this is His story, not mine.

A few months ago, I was reading this blog post when this quote grabbed my attention:

"Lord, you are God and I am not.  May your will, not mine, be done."

I wrote it on a post-it and stuck it on my bathroom mirror until it finally fell off.  By then I had it memorized.

 The funny thing is that it doesn't say "May your will be done when it agrees with mine."  Wouldn't it be great if it worked that way?  Okay, on second thought, maybe not.  But that seems to be my leaning.

And it's sin.

And God is cleansing my heart of it...one foot in front of the other...one step at a time.

Wide

Lately, God speaks a little about a lot of things.  For me who craves depth, it leaves me squirmy.  Why does He tell me only bits and pieces, leaving me to wonder and worry about the rest?

It is His way.

I trust Him, and so I trust His way- I guess.  It is uncomfortable, broad instead of deep; wide.

My laser focus for a long time has been work.  This at the expense of relationships... health... balance... recreation... sanity... the more abundant life.

And now it's as if He wants me out of that rut and out of my head, to look wide and up and outside of my drive, and see what He has given.

He gives good gifts, and I am racing right by them.

And I sometimes see and notice, but in a hurried sense- can there be such a thing as hurried gratitude?  That space of "Yes, that's great, but there is more work to be done?"

I did it to be faithful.  An extreme interpretation of this verse, maybe.  I want to honor Him with my life.

Now He's teaching me to wait, commanding me to take a break.  This is a time of cognitive restructuring, and more importantly, a time of heart surgery.  The message I hear lately is

I care more about who you are than what you do.

I hear it, but it's almost as if it doesn't find a home in my consciousness.  So that is what I am working on, accepting this.  Work is not life.  Calling is not even the most important thing.  The tasks God places in front of us are not only by design of what skills and experience we have, but are also (and possibly more) related to how God wants us to grow.

Mind-blowing.

God cares about our hearts that much.

*****

Linking to 5 Minute Friday

And So I Take A Stand (Even a Tiny One)

Disclaimer:  These thoughts are to my fellow followers in Christ (or to non-followers who want the behind-the-scenes view of what Christians talk about to each other).

In the past month, there have been 2 mass shootings, a large-scale drought, the international athletic celebration that happens but once every four years, political unrest in many parts of the world, and almost 200,000 children have become newly orphaned.

In short, there has been a lot going on.

What strikes me as strange, however, is that those aren't the issues I am hearing or reading most about.  In contrast, the Chick-fil-A debate/debacle/drama is all over my news feed and feed reader- still.

There is so much I could say, and so much that has already been said.  Rachel Held Evans has a nice synthesis of the issue here, and I'm also liking this post.  Visit those posts for far better writing and more complete thought and whatnot; I figure since they already did it, why waste my time?

But as I listen to all the Chick-fil-A related rumblings out there, I am reminded of something my mom used to tell me when I was a kid:  As Christians, we are already selling a message.  She always reminded/reminds me that there are only so many causes you can take on before they begin to get watered down.  And I have to wonder if we haven't missed the mark here, if engaging in heated debate and boycotting the restaurant or posting pictures to support it isn't overextending ourselves.  I like what Rachel Held Evans says about drawing an imaginary line between Christians and the GLBT community where there doesn't need to be one. Is that what we want?  To push this group of people even further from Christ?

This whole topic brings up so many issues for me that I have been learning about and working on for the last few years.  God is stretching me and molding me and it's scary to even share that.  I hope someday I have the guts to share the rest.

What I know for certain is this- I want to see all people have relationships with Jesus, including those from the GLBT community.  Jesus loves each of them so much, and I want to tell them that.  And while I want to be bold for the Lord, I think that it can usually be done in a kind and caring manner.  After all, I don't think anyone who's GLBT is going to sign up for a relationship with Jesus because I shove a Chick-fil-A bag in their face.  I would rather use that time and energy to love, encourage, and to hear their story and tell them they matter to Jesus.  This may sound like a ridiculous naive view, but it's surprising how many people from the GLBT community have been told only horrible, hateful things by the Christian community.  I wonder what would happen if we simplified our message, if we just started loving and praying.  If we let God be the convictor, and instead we were the servants.  What would happen if we gave Jesus the space to move?

Complaining and Bragging At the Same Time

I read this article in the middle of the night last night.  Even in the midst of my bleary-eyed fog, it made perfect sense.  If you are are reading this, it will probably make sense to you, too.

"If you live in America in the 21st century you’ve probably had to listen to a lot of people tell you how busy they are. It’s become the default response when you ask anyone how they’re doing: “Busy!” “So busy.” “Crazy busy.” It is, pretty obviously, a boast disguised as a complaint."

This phenomena has annoyed me for a long time.  How should one respond to the complaint of busyness, especially when stated negatively and not cheerfully?  So many times, it's as if people want sympathy for the consequences of their own choices:

"It’s almost always people whose lamented busyness is purely self-imposed: work and obligations they’ve taken on voluntarily, classes and activities they’ve “encouraged” their kids to participate in. They’re busy because of their own ambition or drive or anxiety, because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they might have to face in its absence."

How does one respond to "well, I've overscheduled myself and I don't like it and now I am going to complain to you and please make me feel better?"  I don't know.  Don't get me wrong- this is not me simply pointing out the flaws of others, this is me admitting my own.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been doing.  My mom talks about me sitting at the kitchen table and doing my "projects" (leftover Sunday school materials from my Grandma) at two years old.  It has been a lifelong habit, maybe even an obsession.  But it flies in the face of Scripture.  A verse that I have been meditating on a lot lately is:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Matthew 11:28-29

I am not sure what Jesus' yoke looks like, but I know I want it.  And the days of working 16 hours straight and not eating a real meal or going to the gym or leaving my house or even knowing what time it is, of just 5 minutes of undivided attention for my husband when he gets home, of stress and frustration and being burned out; well, I just don't think that's God's way.

 "The present hysteria is not a necessary or inevitable condition of life; it’s something we’ve chosen, if only by our acquiescence to it."

This quote reminds me: It is a CHOICE.  As Josh and I are in a time of transition and making lot's of changes anyway, why not throw one more in the mix?  I am 26 right now, and I have wasted too many years being "busy."  I would rather be purposeful, obedient, and peaceful.  That's easy to say, but challenging to do, especially in a culture that often equates rest with laziness and busyness with success.  But I don't want to follow the world, I want to follow Jesus.  I am jumping off the train of insanity, and I am hoping to take others with me.  Wanna come?

Burden

I always miss Africa and the people there with whom we built relationships.  But some days- or most usually, nights- I miss Africa and her children more acutely.  I am deeply burdened, to the point that I experience it physically.  And I pray for them and think about them and love them, but it still hurts. 

And I want it to.

Not because I'm a masochist or experiencing self-hatred or something, but because I know it's part of God's way of communicating with me.  His children are hurting.  They may be a world away, but they are just as important to Him as any other human being.

He uses this pain to speak to me, to us.  Although we've been back for a while now, Josh and I talk- to God and to each other- about Africa all the time.  And He talks to us.  Not in long, drawn-out epics, but in tiny little snippets that remind us of His plan and His heart, and that remind us of where our plans and hearts need to be.

Following Him, at all cost.

And I beg Him to tell me more RIGHT NOW, because how can He expect me to live with this deep, aching pain in my heart if He won't tell me all the details of what to do about it?

But He has His plan, and His timing, and His way.

 ⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.
                                             - Isaiah 55:8-9

I thank Him and praise Him for His Word, for sharing these truths with me.  I am so grateful that, even when I don't know, He does.  I don't need to know, because He is all-knowing and loving and trustworthy.  I cling to these verses, as I have since He turned my heart to see Him in the people of Africa. Not only does He care fore me, but He cares for them, too.

Sometimes it hurts more than I think I can bear.  LOVE hurts.  Not in some 80's ballad sort of way, but in a real, sacrificial, Savior-dying-for-my-sins kind of way.  Jesus uses this burden to chip away at the hollow, hardened shell that is my heart, exchanging it for infusions of His.  All I can do is wait and listen and be revived.

That, and find comfort in the fact that God loves these people more than I do.  Even when I love with my whole heart, it pales in comparison.  He is more than enough for them- and me.

Prescription for Approval

I finally said no.
For those of you who don’t struggle with people-pleasing tendencies, this post might be difficult for you to understand.

For the rest of you, you know the gravity of this situation.

Because, for people-pleasers, saying no is a last resort. We will contort our schedule until it works, go without sleep until we’re ill, and nod and smile when someone asks us to be on yet another committee, all while freaking out inside because we can’t take on ONE. MORE. THING.

It sounds so ridiculous on paper (and it is).

But what we have to take into consideration is the payoff: the approval drug. Maybe it’s the firstborn in me, but there are just times when I crave it. Just today, I got a little rush when someone complimented me on my resume (which God has completely orchestrated, so it’s not even mine to take credit for!)

And seriously? This is the improved version of me, because now I do not need the approval of others 100% of the time. I’m down to like 80%, and only from people with whom I have relationships.

Like so many other things in life, it’s a journey. *sigh*

I am an are-we-there-yet? kind of girl. [We will have to attack that in another post.]

But I did it this time. In spite of a lot of anxiety, I said no. Not only that, but it was to a good opportunity- a wonderful, short-term, resume-building, financially-rewarding job. (Which is sounding better and better as I type, and making me second guess myself. But I will not). As good as this opportunity sounds, I need to simplify my life, not add stress to it. Let’s just say that self-care is not my strong point. [I’m not saying that in some sort of look-how-holy-I-am-I-don’t-even-have-time-to-care-for-myself sort of way. Rather, it’s evidence of how I have mismanaged my resources. As different people have been so faithful to point out to me lately (I’m listening, God), if I burnout or get sick from exhaustion or go insane, I won’t be as much help to others as if I make health a priority.]

I love this quote from D.L. Moody:

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at something that doesn’t really matter.”

This quote reminds me that, just because I succeed at something and gain approval doesn't mean it is true success.  We don't have time in this life to waste on okay activities that just fill our schedule.  Every time we say yes to one thing we are saying no to another.  So we weigh them, and try to find a balance.

Aren’t those the most difficult decisions? Not between a good and a bad option, but rather two (seemingly) relatively equal options. To get a job or more education. To stay at home with your children or work outside the home. To have a baby or build your finances. To pay off debt or build your retirement fund. To teach Sunday school or be on the city council. To get another job to make more money, or to have a little more flexibility in your schedule.

Good options, all of them. My optimist husband would see these decisions as a blessing of abundant opportunities. I somehow end up cowering in the corner of my inner being, fearing I will make the “wrong” decision.
This time, I realized the particular project I said no to was in that latter category, at least for my life. It was not building toward my life goals and my current understanding of God’s will for my life, not going to be something that I would miss on my deathbed. I’ve only got one short time on earth, and I don’t want to waste a minute of it.

I am learning more and more that that means I will have to say no more often. If I am to be transformed and not conform, I have to go against the grain. I have to make difficult decisions, be willing to say no, sacrifice, and turn my back on what “makes sense” some of the time.

Last year I posted this question on my facebook status, and got quite a response.

One cannot simultaneously be both a people-pleaser and a God-pleaser. Which are you?

My answer right now would have to be a recovering people pleaser, on the difficult-but-rewarding journey toward becoming a God-pleaser. One decision at a time.

Short-Term Missions Trips

I just wanted to share a quick link with you- seriously, it will take like 5 minutes to read it. To be honest, I am afraid to even broach the subject, like I am afraid to discuss many. Our time in Namibia turned many of our preconceptions on our head. About giving. About serving. About Love. About evangelism. Most importantly, about God.

Up until this point, our lives since we got home have been about surviving, enduring transition, and clinging to Jesus as we re-integrate to this now-somewhat-foreign culture that used to feel like home. It doesn't anymore. Nowhere does completely (for more, check out this past post). And we are okay with that. It has been a really intense time, in so many ways, and we've sometimes struggled with being real and honest, when everyone wants a happy face and a positive report.

The most often-asked question we receive is [often with a wistful sigh] "Wasn't it amazing?" followed by close second in "I can't imagine the fun you had!"

I nod politely and mumble something about us being at peace that was where God wanted us at the time, but inside I am screaming:

"NO! Are you crazy? It was not fun! How can you think I could enjoy seeing people suffer from disease, death, poverty, hunger, abuse, spiritual lies, and things I could never even write here because most hearts can't handle it?????"

Yes, it was amazing- but not in the way they think. I think the best word to describe it is "satisfying."

My heart is forever broken by the things we experienced. Not that it's not joyful about so many triumphs, but my blissful ignorance was shattered. I have seen a greater hurt, one that only Jesus can heal- but don't read that too quickly. The important part is that Jesus CAN heal.

There is so much I want to say, and so much I need to process. Things that aren't necessarily fun or pretty or peaceful. Please take it all with a grain of salt.

He didn't teach us those hard lessons only for us to keep it to ourselves. If there is one thing we have discovered about our first time out, it's that he was laying foundation.

And that is truly the hardest, and most important part of building anything. I feel it. The weight and responsibility of it. The necessity of not forgetting. Needing to not waste even one moment. Just when I think I can't handle one more tiny bit of stress or change, it has come.
But He has been faithful, so faithful. More than I can ever articulate.

I know He has a brilliant and beautiful plan, one I can't fully see, yet. He is worthy of my trust.

I guess this post didn't exactly go as planned, but that's okay. It's pretty much analogous to life, huh? There will be more on short-term mission trips, and so much else. Please allow me to share with you on this journey.

Adventures in Wonderland: This is no fairytale, Part 1

Have you ever had a feeling you shouldn't do something, a feeling that doesn't make any sense? Don't take that meeting. Don't go on that trip. Don't move to that house. Don't make that investment. Things that, from a logical perspective, make complete sense.

I get these feelings all the time, more than I care to admit. I was raised on realist, empirical academia, and these "senses" as I call them (to delineate them from emotions) are not logically explained.

I tend to have a hard time knowing what to do with them. On the one hand, I know the Holy Spirit has often spoken to me in this way, and obviously I would want to heed those nudges. However, the enemy has a way of imitating that same sense, and filling me with unnecessary fear or worry. He wants to trick me. (If you think this sounds paranoid, you should read some books on spiritual warfare. I recommend "Waking the Dead" by John Elderidge.)

So what do you do? How do you know the origin of anxiety? How do you act on this thought?

Until the last few years, I would err on the side of caution. However, I know I missed opportunities as a result of unnecessary. Meditating on this verse changed my way of thinking.

"The wicked run away when no one is chasing them, but the godly are as bold
as lions." -Proverbs 28:1

In my Bible, I have written next to this verse "I will not live in a spirit of fear." I want to live boldly and dangerously for Christ and His kingdom. We are called to be warriors, and I am not willing to sit on the sidelines and let everyone else do the work. I think this attitude is what Christ demands, but I also think not having a black-and-white standard to err on the side of caution definitely complicates things. You must take each decision on a case-by-case basis, which definitely widens the way for errors. You get confused, and don’t want to live in fear, and instead ignore the Holy Spirit’s leading.

For me, many of these situations have been memorable. Injuries, arguments, and dangerous situations have occurred outside of what logic would predict. I won’t soon forget today.

(continued tomorrow)

What Do You Think?

Found this on a friend's facebook page- what are your thoughts?

We Will Praise You In This Storm, cont'd

Continued from another post- read the first part here.

*****************************

I laid down on the bathroom floor, staring toward the ceiling in the dark, numb. I felt as if I should cry... but no tears came.

My mom's text: Their house is gone.
I can't even wrap my mind around it. Memories, safety, security- the flew away with the building.

What if we lose them? Are they safe? Injured? I can't stand the thought. I push it out of my mind.

I pray.

I plead.

I struggle.

I want to praise God in this storm. It is a reminder of His mighty power, His strength, and His complete control. We are so obviously utterly helpless, which oddly feels more comfortable than when we are helpless but refuse to admit it.

But words seem so shallow and meaningless at this point. I often hear people talking about praising God through a storm, but what does that look like? I think that, more than pretty words, He wants our sincere trust and resignation to His will. I don't think anyone is grateful to find out they have cancer, or is thrilled to lose their job or, God forbid, a child. If God knows our hearts- and I believe He does- language that reflects the attitude we want to have about a situation is not what He wants to hear.

As I laid there praying, I remembered that this is part of the Holy Spirit's job, according to one of my favorite passages:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we
ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that
words can not express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of
the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with
God's will." - Romans 8:26-27

You know what? I love this passage. It gives me so much peace to know that I just can't fail at praying. The Holy Spirit guides us, and stands in the gap for us. The only way to fail is to not pray at all. As for praising God in difficult times, I think He wants our sincere love and trust, our awe of His might, our surrender to His will, more than He wants us to pretend we like everything that's happening. After all, He already knows my heart; I can't pretend with God.

The Truth About Evangelism

As we wrapped up our time in Africa, I looked back over some of my old journal entries and found a few that I would like to share. Today's is from March 16, 2003:
________________________


I was thinking a bit today about evangelism, especially in regard to a couple we have had the privilege of talking with lately, who are both seeking. I know there is so much bad evangelism in the world today, but I wonder what makes up good evangelism. I think the key is not necessarily that you have to know so much about your faith, but rather that you have to believe it. It is only then that you can encourage people to seek truth.

No one is going to be offended by being encouraged to seek truth, because it still respects their right to decide for themselves what they believe truth is. It respects their ability to reason. It prevents you from coming across as if you think you know better than they do. People know, deep down, that they were created for a purpose, even if they aren't sure what that purpose is. This means they know (at least on some level) that they have value, even when they don't always feel like it.

Traditional evangelism, in which we tell others what they need (Jesus), how to get it (prayer, repentance, relationship), and when they need it (now- or maybe yesterday), may certainly work in some situations. But it assumes they want to know our views, and may give the impression that we think we know more than them or are smarter than they are. Far too often, although we have the best of intentions, this pushes people away. It leaves too much opportunity for us to come across as bossy, self-righteous, or condescending. There is too much chance that our human way of doing things (which is often woefully inadequate), will get in the way of the Gospel.

But, if we believe Jesus Christ as truth, we can encourage others to seek truth, all the while knowing that God is faithful to draw truth-seekers to Him.

Sometimes people will ask what you believe, and of course we should use every opportunity to share our Christian faith. But oftentimes I have come into contact with people who aren't really looking for yet another opinion or belief- they want fact. They want truth. They want Jesus, even if they don't know it yet. If they seek truth, they will find Him.

This Is No Sacrifice

We are home in the States, safe and sound.

Even though I have quotes set to continue to load every day for the near future, I felt a pull to post today. After all, this post needs to come on Easter...

Today, as I was sitting at Josh's parents house, I was thinking about Easter and all that it means. It seems that with all of the traveling and reacquainting and settling in and jet lag (we slept 15 hours on Saturday!!!), I have hardly had time to focus on God this weekend. I know most people use "not enough time" as a lame excuse, but I am completely serious and literal about it right now

Of course, that just isn't good enough. It is in these times that we must push ourselves to make time, and to show God that He is our priority.

Everyone goes on about the sacrifices Josh and I have made this last year- being away from family & friends, living in a brutal climate, acclimating to a new culture, etc. And yes, while the last year has been a blessing and privilege in many ways, it has also been a sacrifice. As a result of our decision to be obedient to God's calling on our lives, our families and friends have also had to sacrifice. It has been a challenge for us all.

But when considering "sacrifice", the term is somewhat relative. Relative to the cushy American lifestyle of TV, internet, personal vehicles, homes with multiple bedrooms, vacations, fast food, etc., our choice might look somewhat significant. But this weekend we celebrate God's sacrifice, when He gave His only Son to die for our sins. On a cross; a criminal's death. He was perfect and had done no wrong, but He suffered the consequences of my sin. He died for the salvation of the whole world, but He would have done it for any one of us.

That's real sacrifice. That is the measure against which I want to model my life. To know that my life is no sacrifice, because it isn't really mine at all.

Our dear friend Britt taught a song (by Jason Upton) that has really resonated with me this past year. The chorus says:

"Your thoughts are higher than mine
and your words are deeper than mine.
Your love is stronger than mine.
This is no sacrifice; here's my life."

People often ask us if we will return to Africa. The reality is that we just aren't sure. At this point, it seems that God may be leading us back there, but all the details are hazy and incomprehensible, so really nothing official to report. What I do know is this: I pray God will give us the courage and strength to obey His call, no matter what it might be- whenever, wherever, however. It is terrifying, especially given the fact that we know God may call us to things that are a little different than for most. But what is my life for, if not to do His will? There is nothing I can do to repay Jesus for His mercy, love, generosity, and selflessness. As I see it, all I have to give Him is everything that I am.

So, So True

"A pastor friend of mine said, "Our problem is that we no longer have martyrs. We only have celebrities." Most of the time, when I see Christian superstars like Jerry Falwell or Al Sharpton, I feel like I'm watching professional wrestling. There's a lot of shouting and sweating, but the people seem too superhuman, and I'm not convinced all the moves are real. And as with any sports event, there are tons of spectators, desperately in need of exercise, who sit back and watch a handful of people who could really use a little break, or maybe a massage." - Shane Claiborne

LOL. He kills me.

But seriously, this begs the question of whether or not we want our faith to be represented by a few "superstars." Is their message one we are satisfied with backing? Are we content to let them speak for us all? Or do we want our own voices heard? It seems most are willing to sit back and take the path of least resistance. As for me, I want my voice to be heard, and for it to share the true message of saving grace.

What I Did on My Thanksgiving Vacation, Part 5

When the place that you live in is so hot it melts candle wax (yes, our taper candle is now laying perpendicular to its holder (formerly a tuna can), beaches become…beautiful havens of God’s grace. Swakopmund is about the only place to escape the heat here, and even just looking at these pictures brings relief.

Swakop is the only place that I have seen overcast or cloudy in Namibia. I love the sunshine, but even I enjoy a break every once in a while.

On Friday night, Josh and I did some exploring at the beach. I have discovered a new love for tide pools- they are so cool! I love finding the little surprises in each one.

This sunset was particularly stunning, and I felt privileged just to witness it. This is all God, completely unedited.

I love how He sends us reminders of how amazing and powerful He is. I am so quick to forget.

What's Your Score?

Recently, I wrote a curriculum to use with foster parents. The subject was stress, and I included a little test that I had taken in college. It’s certainly not comprehensive, but it gives you an idea of where you are at. Try it yourself; for each life change that has happened in your life in the past year, circle the number to the left. If you aren’t sure if it applies, use your best judgment. When finished, go back and add up the numbers.

100 Death of spouse
73 Divorce
65 Marital separation
63 Jail
63 Death of a close family member
53 Major injury or illness
50 Marriage
47 Fired from work
45 Marital reconciliation
45 Retirement
44 Major change in health or behavior of a family member
40 Pregnancy
39 Sexual difficulties
39 New family member (birth, adoption, someone moving in)
39 Major business readjustment (reorganization, bancruptcy, etc)
38 Major change in financial status
37 Death of a close friend or more distant family member
36 Change to a different line of work
35 Major change in number of arguments with spouse
31 Taking out a mortgage or loan for a major purpose
30 Forclosure of mortgage or loan
29 Major change in responsibilities at work (promotion, demotion, transfer)
29 Son or daughter leaving home (marriage, attending college)
29 Trouble with in-laws
28 Outstanding personal achievement
26 Spouse starting or ending work
26 Starting or ending schooling (long-term)
25 Major change in living conditions (moving, remodeling, building new home)
24 Change in personal habits (dressing, manners)
23 Trouble with your boss
20 Major change in working hours or conditions
20 Change of residence (new town, new state)
20 Change in schools
19 Major change in usual type or amount of recreation
19 Major change in church activities (a lot more or less than usual)
18 Major change in social activities (a lot more or less than usual)
17 Taking out a loan for a smaller purchase (such as car, TV, freezer)
16 Major change in sleeping habits (a lot more or less than usual, change in
part of day when you sleep)
15 Major change in family get-togethers (a lot more or less than usual)
15 Major change in eating habits (a lot more or less than usual, different meal
hours or surroundings)
13 Vacation
12 Christmas/holiday season
11 Minor violations of the law (traffic tickets)

Do you have your score?

Below 150-Low stress: Only 30% of people with scores below 150 will probably encounter a significant health problem soon.
151-299 Moderate stress: 50% of people with scores between 150-300 will probably encounter a significant health problem soon.
Above 300 High stress: 80% of people with scores above 300 will probably encounter a significant health problem soon.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that if you have high stress you will get sick. To me, it is just a heads up that you have to be careful, and remember to do lots of things that relieve stress.

I scored 591. So, that’s relatively high. Quite frankly, that only includes one of our 4 moves this year, but that is not the point. [I don't say this to be one of those people who always takes pride about how busy they are. Do you notice how that has become part of American culture? It's like if you aren't overcommitted, you aren't doing anything. Ugh.] What I take away from this is not that I am on my deathbed or something, quite the contrary. I know that God is protecting us. I know that He is faithful, and that gives me so much peace.

At times, I have felt like a hypocrite when teaching about stress. I have a lot of answers and suggestions, but I fail to use them myself. I am working on it. There is a good chance that I will have a moderate to high amount of stress for most of my life, so I am learning to manage it.

The other helpful thing? It’s nice to know you’re not crazy. From now on, when I feel the stress is overwhelming me, I think I might just say “591” over and over. It’s like permission to feel overwhelmed, to just accept it. Stress is a part of life, and that’s okay.

‘Tis the Season, Part II

I am a traditionalist. I like repetition, continuity, knowing what to expect. I won’t have that this year. But the reality is that, even if Namibians celebrated Christmas exactly as we do at home, it wouldn’t be the same. But draw back, look at the big picture. It is not the traditions alone that are special, it is time spent with family and friends that makes the holiday season fun and exciting. Most people stop there, with reminding themselves that Christmas is not about gifts and decorations and parties, and that people are more important. That’s a step in the right direction, just not far enough. Even time spent with loved ones can distract us from the real reason for our celebration.
I know you know the story, but we can never hear it enough. The Son of God humbled Himself to become a part of our world. He was born a tiny baby, precious, helpless, and dependent. He lived life on earth, knew humanity, our struggles, joys, and pain. Jesus Christ became a servant to others. He saw firsthand how sinful and flawed we are, but He still chose to die for us. He chose; nobody forced Him, He did it out of love greater than we can imagine. He took our punishment, in order that we might be saved from our consequences and be able to have an eternal relationship with Him. He would have done it for any one of us.

It all started with a baby, born on this day.

If someone who didn’t know what Christmas was looked at your life during the holidays- how you spend your time, what you say, your behavior- what would they see? I am ashamed to say that I am usually stressed about buying the right gifts and fitting the celebrations into our schedule and food and decorations… I could go on. I get so caught up in celebrating Christ’s birth that I forget I am to reflect Him.
Being away from home for the holidays is so hard. I miss my family and friends more, and I know they miss us. It is not lost on us that we are blessed to be able to say that; many people can’t. But, being away from everything we are accustomed to has challenged me (Josh, too, but I won’t speak for him here). I want to celebrate Jesus without being distracted by things that really aren’t important. I want to be a light, to reflect Him to others. I want to laugh and cry with joy and praise for a Creator that loves me so much that He saved me from my sins. On Christmas, our Savior was born, and that’s more than enough to celebrate.

Quench Our Thirst

Lord, I want more of you
Living water rain down on me
Lord I need more of you
Living Breath of Life, come fill me up

Sometimes my soul feels as parched here as the Kalahari. We both feel it; it’s as if there is some sort of screen between us and God. But, we pray and hope and wait, because we know God will never leave us. Sometimes, it is only this knowledge that gets us through the day. I often feel spiritually flat, despite far more time spent with God than ever before.

However, I am not the least bit surprised. We are in a battle of the most important kind.

God, we need your help, guidance, strength, wisdom, and leadership.

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire

Anytime one is willing to take something on in the name of Jesus, satan seems to turn up the heat on attacks. It’s almost as if we are not doing our part if we are not being attacked.

“Don’t be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sign to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are going to be saved, even by God Himself. For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him.” -Philippians 1:28-29

We expected this, but at times he has been…creative, deceptive, manipulative, devious, conniving, underhanded, and all the other things he is used to being. While we aren‘t surprised, it is nonetheless difficult to stand guard against. As the father of lies, he’s had some practice, and he is very convincing.

“He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. “ -John 8:44

Lately, he seems to have a special favor for attacking us through books (seriously- like to the extent we burned one of them). He has even been trying to distort Scripture lately- we didn’t see that coming. We are constantly playing defense against his attacks. He has attacked us in so many ways we never even considered, and it will never stop, because we won’t stop being a threat.

“Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad- for these trials make you partners with Christ in His suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing His glory when it is revealed to the world.”- 1 Peter 4:12-13

I am going to just trust Paul that this is a good thing in the long run, because it is not really a favorable condition. “Don’t be surprised?” Okay. “Be very glad?” Still working on that. And I probably will be for the rest of my life.

We need prayer for protection from the enemy, for discernment, and for courage. I will be honest and say it can be terrifying. We are in a battle, but we are guaranteed victory in Jesus Christ.

"Yes, and the Lord will deliver me from every evil attack and will bring me safely into His heavenly kingdom. All glory to God forever and ever! Amen!” -2 Timothy 4:18

Please do battle with us.

“This is why we work hard and continue to struggle, for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers.” -1 Timothy 4:10

Heaven

I’ve got 2 questions for you:

1. Would you want to be in heaven if Jesus wasn’t there?
2. “Even if there were no Heaven and no hell, would you still follow Jesus? Would you follow Him for the life, joy, and fulfillment he gives you right now?” -Tony Campolo

For some reason, people think that when you become a missionary you are bestowed with great theological knowledge (I have no idea why). All this does is reinforce how little you know, because they seem to always be asking you questions you don’t know the answers to (the best strategy I’ve found is to have people who are theologians on your email list).

I don’t really know that much about heaven. I don’t think anyone really does; it’s mostly speculation. We know what the Bible says, but it leaves a lot of questions unanswered.

We get a lot of questions about heaven. Why? I think it has to do with the fact that most people, when sharing why someone should become a follower of Christ, use heaven as the main selling point. Don’t get me wrong, heaven is definitely a benefit of salvation. Even though I am not sure on the details, we know it is good because the Bible, the very Word of God, says so. However, there is so much more to being a Christian. That kind of attitude disregards the fact that God can honor and glorify Himself through our life here on earth.

I have learned a bit about heaven here. When you witness to someone, it is vital to be culturally sensitive, not only to avoid offending someone, but also to draw on their frame of reference. For example, it has been brought to our attention that most kids here don’t even know what gold and pearls are, so to talk about streets of gold and pearly gates doesn’t have the same effect as in the States. I have had to rethink how I can explain the concept, and have had to expand and define my view of what heaven is.

What I am certain of is this: heaven is wherever God is. The relationship and communion we will have with Him is what makes it heaven, not what materials it is constructed from. There is no sin to separate us from God. There are colors and sounds and flavors and smells that our senses have never experienced. I am certain I want to go there, in part because the alternative is the agony of eternal separation from God. I am certain I want no one to experience that. I am certain I don’t want to waste God’s gift of salvation on myself, but to share the opportunity with others. Paul said it better than I ever could:

"For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live." -Philippians 1:20-24

Sojourner

Think of the longest time you’ve ever been away from home (with no visits). How did you feel? We are going on 8 months, and although we love it here, there have definitely been challenges. I know some people thrive on change and new environments; I’m just not one of them.

God has been merciful and protected us from major attacks, but there have definitely been bouts of homesickness. I want to stay up late talking with my mom, to hug my dad, to hang out with our siblings and friends. I want to sit on the corn burner and talk wrestling with Josh’s dad, and sewing with his mom. I miss hugs and blown kisses from “our” kids. I miss having a car, and having our friends over, speaking the local language, and being able to understand everything that’s said around me. I miss the familiar, the comfortable- people, church, food, environment, culture, weather, money, communication. I miss the security of “home.” No matter how much I grow to love Rehoboth and its people (which is already a lot), there will always be something missing.

One day I was talking with God about homesickness, and asking Him to keep it from interfering with our ministry, when it hit me: this feeling was not new, just intensified. A part of me has felt it my whole life.

I am homesick for heaven.

I don’t claim to know that much about heaven- the Bible leaves a lot of room for interpretation and discussion- but I do know this: it is our true home, one of complete fellowship, communion, and companionship with God. Yes, we can have this to an extent while on this earth, but this will be so much more, and for all eternity. No matter how much I love people around me and life on earth, there will always be something missing.

With this in mind, I’d like to take the next few days to share what I have been learning about eternity, heaven, and our place on earth.