Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Blind Obedience

A few weeks ago, God told me to stop taking new weddings.

It was a shock- and yet it wasn't.  I was surprised, yet looking back I can see whispers of Him preparing my heart.

I obeyed.  It was hard, but there is something about the energy of the time after a decision- it's a certainty, a conviction that makes obedience a little easier.

It's after the shiny newness of obedience wears off- like, say, now- when it takes looking straight up at God and putting one foot in front of the other.  To look around and get your bearings is to realize your decision doesn't make sense by the world's standards.

I am there.

I don't know what the end result of this is.  I don't know if I am done with weddings for a time or forever.  On this road, the explanation is around the bend, hidden from my view.  And there are so. many. other things going on that I don't understand right now.

I am blinded, and I think God wants it that way.

He wants me to be utterly confounded, so that there is no way I can rely on logic or reason or "figuring this out."  He is reminding me this is His story, not mine.

A few months ago, I was reading this blog post when this quote grabbed my attention:

"Lord, you are God and I am not.  May your will, not mine, be done."

I wrote it on a post-it and stuck it on my bathroom mirror until it finally fell off.  By then I had it memorized.

 The funny thing is that it doesn't say "May your will be done when it agrees with mine."  Wouldn't it be great if it worked that way?  Okay, on second thought, maybe not.  But that seems to be my leaning.

And it's sin.

And God is cleansing my heart of foot in front of the step at a time.


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