Adventures in Wonderland: This is no fairytale, Part 1

Have you ever had a feeling you shouldn't do something, a feeling that doesn't make any sense? Don't take that meeting. Don't go on that trip. Don't move to that house. Don't make that investment. Things that, from a logical perspective, make complete sense.

I get these feelings all the time, more than I care to admit. I was raised on realist, empirical academia, and these "senses" as I call them (to delineate them from emotions) are not logically explained.

I tend to have a hard time knowing what to do with them. On the one hand, I know the Holy Spirit has often spoken to me in this way, and obviously I would want to heed those nudges. However, the enemy has a way of imitating that same sense, and filling me with unnecessary fear or worry. He wants to trick me. (If you think this sounds paranoid, you should read some books on spiritual warfare. I recommend "Waking the Dead" by John Elderidge.)

So what do you do? How do you know the origin of anxiety? How do you act on this thought?

Until the last few years, I would err on the side of caution. However, I know I missed opportunities as a result of unnecessary. Meditating on this verse changed my way of thinking.

"The wicked run away when no one is chasing them, but the godly are as bold
as lions." -Proverbs 28:1

In my Bible, I have written next to this verse "I will not live in a spirit of fear." I want to live boldly and dangerously for Christ and His kingdom. We are called to be warriors, and I am not willing to sit on the sidelines and let everyone else do the work. I think this attitude is what Christ demands, but I also think not having a black-and-white standard to err on the side of caution definitely complicates things. You must take each decision on a case-by-case basis, which definitely widens the way for errors. You get confused, and don’t want to live in fear, and instead ignore the Holy Spirit’s leading.

For me, many of these situations have been memorable. Injuries, arguments, and dangerous situations have occurred outside of what logic would predict. I won’t soon forget today.

(continued tomorrow)

Um, Duh...

I'm not sure I have ever been so excited for a Monday. This summer I decided that I don't want to be one of those people who wish Monday's away; after all, they are 1/7th of our lives! If you follow this blog at all, you know that I often write about the struggle to be present, my struggle to be present. I refuse to wish life away...but it is a constant process and battle for intentionality.

But a recent Monday wasn't like that. It signaled to me the welcome beginning of a new week, and more importantly an end to the last.

It all started on Wednesday, when I got sick and had to take midnight trip to the E.R. due to lung and breathing trouble. They weren't able to find an exact cause, and sent me home with some medication, with the disclaimer it may not work (less than encouraging). [Note: this disappointing and unhelpful resulted in an $800 hospital bill- are they insane???]

Thursday brought more illness and exhaustion, but by late morning I was able to do some work on the computer. I found out that my financial aid was messed up (thankfully I have been able to take care of that), which definitely increased my stress levels. For some reason, money issues just have this way of seizing my sanity and peace in the moment. As I was working on that, my computer contracted a virus. After working on that for an hour without success, I had to take it into the shop. [Cost: $130 more- it was becoming a REALLY expensive week].

Friday dawned fresh and new, and I was *sure* the day would go better. Or not. During the afternoon, as I left my house to drive into town, a lady bug crawled under the sunglasses I had perched on my head. When I pulled them over my eyes, it bit me right below my right eye. Yes, I was attacked by a ladybug (I'm kind of glad I'm not a guy, or I'm sure I would never hear the end of that). And apparently I am allergic to them, because within 15 minutes I could literally see the swelling out of my own eye. I stopped into the student health center, and they fixed me up.

While I was waiting in the office, I decided to check in with Josh, and he let me know there is now some uncertainty about the future of his job. Of course, what I heard in my head was "he's losing his job and we will have to move and I won't be able to be in graduate school and we can never be missionaries or have kids or have any other dreams and they'll probably even kick us out of our families and America, too." Or something like that.

By this point, I was feeling a psychotic break coming on, so I did what every mature, grown adult does- I called my mommy. And then she put my daddy on. I don't know what it is, but my dad just has this way of reframing things that just calms me down and makes me feel all is not lost (believe me, Josh knows and takes advantage of this fact often). Things felt manageable, once again.

But that lasted only for about an hour. I had an online assignment due Friday night, and hadn't been able to get ahold of the professor. After the allergic reaction, they instructed me to take some benadryl and sleep for a while. That was at 3, the assignment was due at 8- I figured I had plenty of time. Around 6:30 or so, I drove to the school to use the computers at the library. But guess what? The library was closed! CLOSED! What university library closes at 4pm on a Friday? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I kind of did a little I'm-crazy-and-out-of-my-mind-right-now giggle, as no one was around (thankfully). After all, I am studying to be a mental health professional- the last thing I need is for someone to see me having a mini-nervous-breakdown and report that to my program. Ai, mon.

The weekend involved more ups and downs. When I got to school on Monday morning, I was about my weekend with a classmate who also happens to be a Believer, and she asked whether it might be spiritual warfare.

*Umm, duh...*

I told her I hadn't even thought of it. But it made sense. Just recently, Josh and I had been delving deeper with God, and making new commitments in our finances, marriage, and quiet times. We had been fighting hard in prayer for loved ones. It seemed to add up. We were a threat, and we were paying for it.

I can't believe we didn't see it. We have dealt with quite a bit of spiritual warfare before, but it didn't even occur to us that this could be the reason. We were blinded. We were lied to. The enemy is so sneaky...

But there was also something empowering about realizing that it was battle. We could fight back. We have the Victor on our side.

Sometimes I'll look at Josh and say, "Do you think this level of stress is normal?" By that I mean stressful circumstances, not our response to them. I mean, I work with people and their stress. I feel I have a pretty good handle on what may and may not be healthy levels of stress. We'll talk about it, and he'll remind me we have God and each other to rely on, and I'll feel better for a while. But one time he said something that changed my thinking:

"We have a target on our backs."

Josh is not afraid of the notion of spiritual battle. It's as natural and real and common to him as drinking water or breathing air. But I have to say I am much less aware, and often feel uncomfortable about it. I know it's true and real and have seen it with my own eyes, but I prefer to not focus on it. In truth, I prefer to pretend it's not there. I am like a little kid- if I shut my eyes against it, it can't see me.

Would that it were...

But it's not. We face the enemy everyday. We have a choice- to acquiesce, or to not back down from the fight. I would like to leave you with a quote from a 10-year-old girl who spoke to 11,000 college students at a Midwest conference.

"I'm not cute, I'm dangerous...and satan is terrified of me."

God, make us dangerous.

What's Your Score?

Recently, I wrote a curriculum to use with foster parents. The subject was stress, and I included a little test that I had taken in college. It’s certainly not comprehensive, but it gives you an idea of where you are at. Try it yourself; for each life change that has happened in your life in the past year, circle the number to the left. If you aren’t sure if it applies, use your best judgment. When finished, go back and add up the numbers.

100 Death of spouse
73 Divorce
65 Marital separation
63 Jail
63 Death of a close family member
53 Major injury or illness
50 Marriage
47 Fired from work
45 Marital reconciliation
45 Retirement
44 Major change in health or behavior of a family member
40 Pregnancy
39 Sexual difficulties
39 New family member (birth, adoption, someone moving in)
39 Major business readjustment (reorganization, bancruptcy, etc)
38 Major change in financial status
37 Death of a close friend or more distant family member
36 Change to a different line of work
35 Major change in number of arguments with spouse
31 Taking out a mortgage or loan for a major purpose
30 Forclosure of mortgage or loan
29 Major change in responsibilities at work (promotion, demotion, transfer)
29 Son or daughter leaving home (marriage, attending college)
29 Trouble with in-laws
28 Outstanding personal achievement
26 Spouse starting or ending work
26 Starting or ending schooling (long-term)
25 Major change in living conditions (moving, remodeling, building new home)
24 Change in personal habits (dressing, manners)
23 Trouble with your boss
20 Major change in working hours or conditions
20 Change of residence (new town, new state)
20 Change in schools
19 Major change in usual type or amount of recreation
19 Major change in church activities (a lot more or less than usual)
18 Major change in social activities (a lot more or less than usual)
17 Taking out a loan for a smaller purchase (such as car, TV, freezer)
16 Major change in sleeping habits (a lot more or less than usual, change in
part of day when you sleep)
15 Major change in family get-togethers (a lot more or less than usual)
15 Major change in eating habits (a lot more or less than usual, different meal
hours or surroundings)
13 Vacation
12 Christmas/holiday season
11 Minor violations of the law (traffic tickets)

Do you have your score?

Below 150-Low stress: Only 30% of people with scores below 150 will probably encounter a significant health problem soon.
151-299 Moderate stress: 50% of people with scores between 150-300 will probably encounter a significant health problem soon.
Above 300 High stress: 80% of people with scores above 300 will probably encounter a significant health problem soon.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that if you have high stress you will get sick. To me, it is just a heads up that you have to be careful, and remember to do lots of things that relieve stress.

I scored 591. So, that’s relatively high. Quite frankly, that only includes one of our 4 moves this year, but that is not the point. [I don't say this to be one of those people who always takes pride about how busy they are. Do you notice how that has become part of American culture? It's like if you aren't overcommitted, you aren't doing anything. Ugh.] What I take away from this is not that I am on my deathbed or something, quite the contrary. I know that God is protecting us. I know that He is faithful, and that gives me so much peace.

At times, I have felt like a hypocrite when teaching about stress. I have a lot of answers and suggestions, but I fail to use them myself. I am working on it. There is a good chance that I will have a moderate to high amount of stress for most of my life, so I am learning to manage it.

The other helpful thing? It’s nice to know you’re not crazy. From now on, when I feel the stress is overwhelming me, I think I might just say “591” over and over. It’s like permission to feel overwhelmed, to just accept it. Stress is a part of life, and that’s okay.

Quench Our Thirst

Lord, I want more of you
Living water rain down on me
Lord I need more of you
Living Breath of Life, come fill me up

Sometimes my soul feels as parched here as the Kalahari. We both feel it; it’s as if there is some sort of screen between us and God. But, we pray and hope and wait, because we know God will never leave us. Sometimes, it is only this knowledge that gets us through the day. I often feel spiritually flat, despite far more time spent with God than ever before.

However, I am not the least bit surprised. We are in a battle of the most important kind.

God, we need your help, guidance, strength, wisdom, and leadership.

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire

Anytime one is willing to take something on in the name of Jesus, satan seems to turn up the heat on attacks. It’s almost as if we are not doing our part if we are not being attacked.

“Don’t be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sign to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are going to be saved, even by God Himself. For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him.” -Philippians 1:28-29

We expected this, but at times he has been…creative, deceptive, manipulative, devious, conniving, underhanded, and all the other things he is used to being. While we aren‘t surprised, it is nonetheless difficult to stand guard against. As the father of lies, he’s had some practice, and he is very convincing.

“He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. “ -John 8:44

Lately, he seems to have a special favor for attacking us through books (seriously- like to the extent we burned one of them). He has even been trying to distort Scripture lately- we didn’t see that coming. We are constantly playing defense against his attacks. He has attacked us in so many ways we never even considered, and it will never stop, because we won’t stop being a threat.

“Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad- for these trials make you partners with Christ in His suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing His glory when it is revealed to the world.”- 1 Peter 4:12-13

I am going to just trust Paul that this is a good thing in the long run, because it is not really a favorable condition. “Don’t be surprised?” Okay. “Be very glad?” Still working on that. And I probably will be for the rest of my life.

We need prayer for protection from the enemy, for discernment, and for courage. I will be honest and say it can be terrifying. We are in a battle, but we are guaranteed victory in Jesus Christ.

"Yes, and the Lord will deliver me from every evil attack and will bring me safely into His heavenly kingdom. All glory to God forever and ever! Amen!” -2 Timothy 4:18

Please do battle with us.

“This is why we work hard and continue to struggle, for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers.” -1 Timothy 4:10

Battle Cry

Spiritual battle is intense and relentless here. You have to constantly fight against lies and tricks from the enemy, and it can be incredibly draining. Don’t get me wrong; I know we have a spiritual battle at home, but it is an entirely different kind. Sometimes it seems satan is trying to block our communication with God; during those times, we rely on God’s word more than anything. We read about the armor of God, and rely on it often.

The other day, I saw Josh was doing something with craft sticks, so I asked him what it was. He explained that he was making a cross to display in order to remind satan he isn’t welcome here. We went back to our respective activities, and after a few seconds, he said, “If the devil doesn’t like it, he can sit on a tack.”

Just like that, I was back in Sunday school

The Angry American and Hello Kitty

This has been, by far, the strangest week we have had in Africa so far (and that is saying a lot).

Our 4th of July was completely different than usual this year (not terribly shocking, huh?). Saturday morning, we celebrated by blasting “The Angry American” (by far our favorite patriotic song) in our flat. We celebrated with an afternoon braai at the 8-week-team’s house. As this is not America, no one celebrates the 4th of July here, and nobody even knows it’s a holiday. It emphasized to us that the U.S.A. is not the center of the world, like we often seem to think it is. However, I have never been prouder to be an American.


Homemade decorations elevated our patriotism.


The “Hello Kitty“ in the title of this post does not refer to the animated Japanese pop-culture icon, but rather to our new teammate! Kitty arrived with a 4-week team this weekend, and we couldn’t be happier to have her! She will be here for 6 months, and is the only other person scheduled so far to be in Rehoboth after August. We are so grateful for her willingness to serve, and are excited to get to know her.

Wednesday turned out to be an extremely stressful exciting day. As Josh and I were walking to the youth center in the morning, we realized there was a police officer standing on every corner of a particular road. We asked one what was going on, and he said the president was visiting. That explained an enormous SWAPO rally that had taken place in front of our house the night before. While we were meeting with the 4-week team about some youth center stuff, we sat outside, cameras poised (the youth center is along this road). Two hours after his scheduled arrival, we were able to take some pictures of the motorcade. It wasn’t much, but this is Rehoboth, and we’ll take any excitement we can get.



The motorcade, complete with a dozen or so squad cars

The President's actual vehicle.

Within an hour, we found out we needed to move; this was completely unexpected, and we had no notice, but Africa just works differently. Glory to God, we had a different place to stay within 2 hours! It will work well for us, and we are just excited we have somewhere to live.

Since we were dealing with all of this, we weren’t able to lead the youth program as usual, but the 10 people from the temporary summer teams were there, and they did a great job. This bodes well for when we are in Arandis.

For the next 2 weeks, we will be staying in Arandis, where we will be doing some work for Hope’s Promise. We are not certain of the details yet, but we know that I will be doing some sort of counseling, and Josh will be doing some maintenance and repairs, and possibly some work in the schools. It will be an adventure, something that has come up only recently. We are looking forward to seeing how we get to serve, but also a little apprehensive because we aren’t sure of what we will be doing. Please be praying that we will be able to glorify God in whatever we are asked to do!

911

(5/24/09)

“Satan is in a time bind, therefore, like the heat of Nebuchadnezzar’s blazing furnace, he’s turning up the fire on every modern-day Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego”- Beth Moore

Lately, the Lord has reminded me of the sense of urgency we should be feeling about faith. We are running out of time; this is an emergency of the most dire persuasion: eternal life and death. Jesus could come back at any second, perhaps while you are reading this. Are we prepared? I’ve heard it said that those who plan to come to the Lord at 11 o’clock often die at 10:30- why risk the wait?

As you probably know, Josh and I have gotten involved in a local youth group, a ministry we’ve come to love. This month the talks have been centered around missions, and on Friday (5/29/09), I will be speaking about missionary persecution, specifically my experience serving in China.

What they will discover is that my message actually has less to do with missionary persecution than with the persecution of Chinese citizens and citizens of other countries that outlaw Christianity. Thousands of people die all over the world each year in the name of Christ. We have no excuse to not believe, and no excuse for not living out our faith.

Thinking about the people I worked with in China also brings to mind another dimension of urgency: sharing the Gospel. Even in this day of technology, internet, international travel, and Bibles being translated into thousands of languages, there are still people who have not heard the Good News of Christ. And why not?- because we don’t feel like going, supporting, reaching out, speaking, or praying? Are we really willing to allow our greed, comfort, laziness, and egocentrism get in the way of someone else’s salvation?

And what about those around us? Do they know the Truth? We cannot make decisions for others, but we can certainly provide them with the information needed to make an educated choice. How many times have I not shared my faith with someone for fear of them not receiving it well or looking down on me? It is completely ridiculous that I have placed my own insecurity above their right to know Jesus!

It often seems like we are all waiting for the next guy to step up and take responsibility. We are too busy, or too, important, or to unaffected, or too distracted; besides, it’s just easier to let someone else take care of it:

“ ‘A pastor friend of mine said, “Our problem is that we no longer have martyrs. We only have celebrities.’ Most of the time, when I see Christian superstars like Jerry Falwell or Al Sharpton, I feel like I’m watching professional wrestling. There’s a lot of shouting and sweating, but the people seem too superhuman, and I’m not convinced all the moves are real. And as with any sports event, there are tons of spectators, desperately in need of exercise, who sit back and watch a handful of people who could really use a little break, or maybe a massage.”-Shane Claiborne, Irresistible Revolution

Tonight, we watched a DVD at our team meeting that reinforced this message: it is all of our responsibility. We can not just leave the work to the next person; the job is too extraordinary. Please view this video of a sermon entitled "Fruitcake and Ice Cream"(by Louie Giglio). I will warn you that it’s about half an hour long, but it is well worth your time. It may just change your life.

Seriously, please watch it before you read on. Yes, this means you.

This compelling message convincingly reinforced the sense of urgency God has laid on my heart, urgency to share with people here and at home.

After watching, we listened to the song mentioned in the video, "Mighty to Save" For the last couple of months, this has been my favorite worship song, and the “coincidence” didn’t escape my awareness. In case you don’t know it, I’ve included the lyrics:

"Mighty to Save"

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

Here’s my challenge to you: listen to this song, and think of those around you who haven’t dedicated their lives to Christ, or who may have fallen from their walk with Him. Pray for them, and ask God to show you how you might encourage them to draw closer to Him. Then act on it- we are running out of time.

WWYD (What Would You Do)?

According to a sermon I heard a while back, there are approximately 168,000 martyrs each year for the Christian faith. I feel sick after hearing about one, but 168,000. After serving in China, and being a fan of the Jesus Freaks series, I knew there were present-day martyrs. I thought there were may like 100 per year or something. One-hundred sixty-eight thousand people are dying for Christ each year. Oh, and let’s not forget those that survive, but are maimed and tortured for the faith.

I once heard a sermon from Chuck Swindoll on the mountains and valleys of the Christian life. Essentially, he said that if you aren’t in a valley now, you will be.

Why? Because we are enemies of the Enemy.

Paul tells us no to be surprised at our trials, and exhorts us to be glad of suffering because it makes us partners in Christ’s suffering (1 Peter 4:12-13).

Right.

I am guessing some of you are nodding in agreement. After all, this is not a new verse, and you have surely heard it before. But have you ever REALLY suffered for Christ? As for me, I have endured challenges from being obedient to the Lord, but I am not sure I have ever truly suffered. Not that I am asking for it or anything…it just got me thinking: how far would I go to honor God?

What would you do? Don’t just say “anything” and be done- think it through. Would you sell your house and all your belongings to live in a cardboard box? Would you move around the world to a place where nobody knows you, knowing you could never see anyone you love again? Would you accept circumstances that are “boring” and “everyday” without complaint? Would you continue to follow the Lord if you developed a painful disease or suddenly lost all your loved ones? Would you give up your life, like the 168,000 Christian martyrs each year? Let’s make it harder: would you give up your child’s life to honor God?

Would you give up your child’s life to save one person from eternal separation from God? I’m pretty sure I might not. But God would have given His son for just one of us.

I can’t even comprehend that.

How can we lead others to Christ, knowing they will suffer? Of all the cultures we’ve worked with, Americans are the most terrified of suffering. We expect things to be easy: running water, fast food, email, instant text messaging. To suffer by choice is incomprehensible. However, when people have already experienced suffering, they seem more willing to suffer for Christ. To them, it is a small price to pay for eternal life with the Lord.

I have much yet to learn.