Unexpected Roots

I come from a family where roots run down deep, generations back all from the same place.  I grew up 5 miles from both grandmas, and spent almost every single weekend at a family birthday party or confirmation or baptism.

I was raised on extended family life.

I watched my parents in their ministry of the here and now, always beautifying and growing their little corner of the world.  It was small and familiar and stable, and it is what allowed them to bring children with incredibly difficult, unstable lives into our family.  As my mom said late one night, as she holds my nephew asleep in the dark while we talk on the living room couches, "It was those roots that gave us that freedom."

It was what I always assumed my life would be- stable.  Move away to college, then come back.  Get married, have babies, and raise them in the same town, church, school, house I brought them home to.

But.

That hasn't been God's plan for my life so far, and it seems it will not be, at least for a long while more. Twenty-one moves in nine years remind me that life has not gone as I planned, and I am not in control.

I trust God's plan, even if I don't understand it.

God has been teaching me for the last few years about roots, and what they mean to Him.  They are not attached to time or place or anything else of this world; those are foundations of sand.  He is teaching me that He is the only safe place to attach and dwell and draw Living Water.  Geographical stability is not lasting; I am learning to drink life from the Eternal.

*************

Linking to 5 Minute Friday at Gypsy Mama.

Blind Obedience

A few weeks ago, God told me to stop taking new weddings.

It was a shock- and yet it wasn't.  I was surprised, yet looking back I can see whispers of Him preparing my heart.

I obeyed.  It was hard, but there is something about the energy of the time after a decision- it's a certainty, a conviction that makes obedience a little easier.

It's after the shiny newness of obedience wears off- like, say, now- when it takes looking straight up at God and putting one foot in front of the other.  To look around and get your bearings is to realize your decision doesn't make sense by the world's standards.

I am there.

I don't know what the end result of this is.  I don't know if I am done with weddings for a time or forever.  On this road, the explanation is around the bend, hidden from my view.  And there are so. many. other things going on that I don't understand right now.

I am blinded, and I think God wants it that way.

He wants me to be utterly confounded, so that there is no way I can rely on logic or reason or "figuring this out."  He is reminding me this is His story, not mine.

A few months ago, I was reading this blog post when this quote grabbed my attention:

"Lord, you are God and I am not.  May your will, not mine, be done."

I wrote it on a post-it and stuck it on my bathroom mirror until it finally fell off.  By then I had it memorized.

 The funny thing is that it doesn't say "May your will be done when it agrees with mine."  Wouldn't it be great if it worked that way?  Okay, on second thought, maybe not.  But that seems to be my leaning.

And it's sin.

And God is cleansing my heart of it...one foot in front of the other...one step at a time.

Wide

Lately, God speaks a little about a lot of things.  For me who craves depth, it leaves me squirmy.  Why does He tell me only bits and pieces, leaving me to wonder and worry about the rest?

It is His way.

I trust Him, and so I trust His way- I guess.  It is uncomfortable, broad instead of deep; wide.

My laser focus for a long time has been work.  This at the expense of relationships... health... balance... recreation... sanity... the more abundant life.

And now it's as if He wants me out of that rut and out of my head, to look wide and up and outside of my drive, and see what He has given.

He gives good gifts, and I am racing right by them.

And I sometimes see and notice, but in a hurried sense- can there be such a thing as hurried gratitude?  That space of "Yes, that's great, but there is more work to be done?"

I did it to be faithful.  An extreme interpretation of this verse, maybe.  I want to honor Him with my life.

Now He's teaching me to wait, commanding me to take a break.  This is a time of cognitive restructuring, and more importantly, a time of heart surgery.  The message I hear lately is

I care more about who you are than what you do.

I hear it, but it's almost as if it doesn't find a home in my consciousness.  So that is what I am working on, accepting this.  Work is not life.  Calling is not even the most important thing.  The tasks God places in front of us are not only by design of what skills and experience we have, but are also (and possibly more) related to how God wants us to grow.

Mind-blowing.

God cares about our hearts that much.

*****

Linking to 5 Minute Friday

Graceful

Today's word at Five Minute Friday is "graceful."  (That sentence makes me feel a little bit like a Sesame Street character...)

_____________________________________________

I wonder where this word got it's cultural meaning.  I look it up, knowing the meaning but hoping for more inspiration.  It seems rather superficial, all about appearance.

And it's curious to me, as I know Grace as a life-giving sacrificial gift, that the definition we often use is so constraining. It seems full of rules and expectations and "shoulds", so opposite of the freedom that holds hands with Grace.

Graceful dancing.

Graceful body.

Graceful manners.

Graceful writing.

Graceful appears effortless, natural.  That seems foreign to me- my words are diligence, discipline, hard work.  And yet, maybe effortlessness is the connection that makes "grace" and "graceful" distant cousins.  Grace doesn't demand effort.  It doesn't appear natural, it allows for natural.  The boundless excess of grace makes up for my faults, effortlessly on my part.

Grace covers it all, even my lack of graceful.  It alone makes me enough.

Wardrobe Function

Just a quick post here to check in and share some fun resources.  We have been extremely busy this month- Saturday will mark our 7th wedding in 5 weeks, I went on a trip to Idaho, Josh was in the Boundary Waters, we have planned some cool events coming up for this fall, I am considering a therapy job, etc.  More on all that when I get to it : )

Anyway, we have a new fire for simplification.  We have put it on the back burner during this busy season, but we are planning on doing a big push in September.  As the weather changes, an issue that always comes up for me is wardrobe.  Sometimes it's exciting, but at this point it just elicits a groan.

[Disclaimer:  I am not now, nor will I ever be, a fashion blogger.  I am early in this journey, and I give myself a mental high-five every time I wear something other than workout clothes.  Don't judge; you know you're just jealous that I work from home and can do that : ) ]

I think it's the many paradoxes and demands of my wardrobe that frustrate me.  It needs to have:

• clothes that withstand, protect, and look good in blistering to frigid weather
• clothes and shoes that are appropriate for photographing weddings, doing therapy, hanging out with friend and family, caring for kiddos, church, work projects, working out, travel, attending events, etc.
• Lots of color- because black and gray only suffice for so long- that all mixes and matches
• the ability to hide unfavorable areas of my body that persist from before a major weight loss
• Character and relevance, simultaneously
• a VERY low price tag
• good fit

And I'd prefer to accomplish all this in 12 pieces or less.  Just kidding.  Kind of.

When I was growing up, I kept as many clothes as possible.  I literally have (and wear, but only on special occasions) the twins shirt I got in second grade.  My sister calls it ghetto, I call it vintage- whatever.  When we first got married, Josh went through my clothes and made me give away everything that was held together with a safety pin (a LOT of clothes).  Let's just say I was a long way from simplicity.

When we got back from living overseas, we got rid of at least half the stuff we had in our storage unit.  We have continued to give away more and more, and we have caught the bug.

I feel the itch for simplifying again.  It's not that we've gotten less simplified; rather it's that we've acclimated to this place and see we are still weighed down by the burden of having more possessions that we need.  

Concerning clothing, I have actually found that when I have less in my closet, it feels like more.  It's a little backwards, but I think it's because I am more thoughtful about what I keep- it has to fit, look good, be a favorite- so I am more likely to see things I look good in.

This is still very much in process, but I wanted to share a few resources I've found that might help you in the quest to simplify your wardrobe.

1. Good Girls Don't Have to Dress Bad-  So good.  Less detailed about wardrobe pieces that Glamour, but includes a lot of information about appropriate color and print choices for different complexions and body types.  The author also has a blog.
2. Glamour's Big Book of Do's and Dont's- one of my first books about your complete wardrobe.  Lot's of advice about what you do and don't need.  Less than $5 on Amazon!  [P.S. I wouldn't let your teenage son look through it, as there is a somewhat graphic conversation about undergarments.]
3. This wardrobe chart comes from the author of the first book, and it is totally FREE!  I love the concept, but I haven't yet gotten down to having the number of recommended items.  Nonetheless, it has been useful in cutting down my wardrobe, since I always fear getting rid of too much and not having "enough" (what is that, anyway?)
4. Timm Gunn's wardrobe essentials - oh, you know you love him.  May not be exactly right for every lifestyle, but a great jumping-off point.
5. The No-Brainer Wardrobe- okay, to be really honest, I just bought this book.  Nonetheless, it looks pretty solid.
6. This, this, this, and this all link to posts that might be helpful.

Hope this helps!

27 Blessings

For my birthday this year, I've decided to list 27 blessings  I am grateful for in my life thus far.  Of course, there are way too many to list, but one has to start somewhere!

1. A personal relationship with the risen Savior of mankind.  
2. A husband who loves, leads, and sacrifices for me and our future.  A man with whom this is true.
3. A vibrant, dynamic, sometimes crazy family.  They drive me insane, but I'd do anything for them.
4. A home.  God has taught me a lot about roots in the last few years.  I am open, flexible, and willing to be obedient.  However, we have now been in our home (and town) almost two years, the longest we've been anywhere since we got married.  This temporary grace is not lost on me.
5. Growing up in what I am convinced is one of the most beautiful places in the world.
6. The little ones that we get to love, even though they aren't our own.
7. Clean water to drink and nourishing food to eat- this is no small thing.
8. Being born into a situation where I was cared for and had opportunities to grow physically, cognitively, and spiritually.
9. Being able to practice my faith openly, without punishment.
10. Holding Josh's hand.
11. My education (thanks for encouraging me, Mom and Dad!)
12. That God has broken my heart for the orphan, and has guided me in my part in caring for children without families.
13. Having the opportunity to see many wonderful places in the world.
14. Being married to my best friend.
15. Access to good medical care.
16. Beautiful friendships that withstand the test of time and distance.
17. Learning to trust and have faith (in process).
18. Photography.
19. Curiosity and compassion.
20. Growing up near enough to my grandparents that I have strong relationships with them.
21. Physical health.
22. That God holds my hand through the hard times, and hurts along with me.
23. Dancing in warm rain.
24. Mom's cooking.
25. Scripture.
26. Catching fireflies.
27. That God's plan for my life, has been so much better, bigger, richer, and more complex than I would have ever imagined.  It wasn't my plan, but I am grateful He has given me the courage to follow.

What are you most grateful for right now?

And So I Take A Stand (Even a Tiny One)

Disclaimer:  These thoughts are to my fellow followers in Christ (or to non-followers who want the behind-the-scenes view of what Christians talk about to each other).

In the past month, there have been 2 mass shootings, a large-scale drought, the international athletic celebration that happens but once every four years, political unrest in many parts of the world, and almost 200,000 children have become newly orphaned.

In short, there has been a lot going on.

What strikes me as strange, however, is that those aren't the issues I am hearing or reading most about.  In contrast, the Chick-fil-A debate/debacle/drama is all over my news feed and feed reader- still.

There is so much I could say, and so much that has already been said.  Rachel Held Evans has a nice synthesis of the issue here, and I'm also liking this post.  Visit those posts for far better writing and more complete thought and whatnot; I figure since they already did it, why waste my time?

But as I listen to all the Chick-fil-A related rumblings out there, I am reminded of something my mom used to tell me when I was a kid:  As Christians, we are already selling a message.  She always reminded/reminds me that there are only so many causes you can take on before they begin to get watered down.  And I have to wonder if we haven't missed the mark here, if engaging in heated debate and boycotting the restaurant or posting pictures to support it isn't overextending ourselves.  I like what Rachel Held Evans says about drawing an imaginary line between Christians and the GLBT community where there doesn't need to be one. Is that what we want?  To push this group of people even further from Christ?

This whole topic brings up so many issues for me that I have been learning about and working on for the last few years.  God is stretching me and molding me and it's scary to even share that.  I hope someday I have the guts to share the rest.

What I know for certain is this- I want to see all people have relationships with Jesus, including those from the GLBT community.  Jesus loves each of them so much, and I want to tell them that.  And while I want to be bold for the Lord, I think that it can usually be done in a kind and caring manner.  After all, I don't think anyone who's GLBT is going to sign up for a relationship with Jesus because I shove a Chick-fil-A bag in their face.  I would rather use that time and energy to love, encourage, and to hear their story and tell them they matter to Jesus.  This may sound like a ridiculous naive view, but it's surprising how many people from the GLBT community have been told only horrible, hateful things by the Christian community.  I wonder what would happen if we simplified our message, if we just started loving and praying.  If we let God be the convictor, and instead we were the servants.  What would happen if we gave Jesus the space to move?

Complaining and Bragging At the Same Time

I read this article in the middle of the night last night.  Even in the midst of my bleary-eyed fog, it made perfect sense.  If you are are reading this, it will probably make sense to you, too.

"If you live in America in the 21st century you’ve probably had to listen to a lot of people tell you how busy they are. It’s become the default response when you ask anyone how they’re doing: “Busy!” “So busy.” “Crazy busy.” It is, pretty obviously, a boast disguised as a complaint."

This phenomena has annoyed me for a long time.  How should one respond to the complaint of busyness, especially when stated negatively and not cheerfully?  So many times, it's as if people want sympathy for the consequences of their own choices:

"It’s almost always people whose lamented busyness is purely self-imposed: work and obligations they’ve taken on voluntarily, classes and activities they’ve “encouraged” their kids to participate in. They’re busy because of their own ambition or drive or anxiety, because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they might have to face in its absence."

How does one respond to "well, I've overscheduled myself and I don't like it and now I am going to complain to you and please make me feel better?"  I don't know.  Don't get me wrong- this is not me simply pointing out the flaws of others, this is me admitting my own.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been doing.  My mom talks about me sitting at the kitchen table and doing my "projects" (leftover Sunday school materials from my Grandma) at two years old.  It has been a lifelong habit, maybe even an obsession.  But it flies in the face of Scripture.  A verse that I have been meditating on a lot lately is:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Matthew 11:28-29

I am not sure what Jesus' yoke looks like, but I know I want it.  And the days of working 16 hours straight and not eating a real meal or going to the gym or leaving my house or even knowing what time it is, of just 5 minutes of undivided attention for my husband when he gets home, of stress and frustration and being burned out; well, I just don't think that's God's way.

 "The present hysteria is not a necessary or inevitable condition of life; it’s something we’ve chosen, if only by our acquiescence to it."

This quote reminds me: It is a CHOICE.  As Josh and I are in a time of transition and making lot's of changes anyway, why not throw one more in the mix?  I am 26 right now, and I have wasted too many years being "busy."  I would rather be purposeful, obedient, and peaceful.  That's easy to say, but challenging to do, especially in a culture that often equates rest with laziness and busyness with success.  But I don't want to follow the world, I want to follow Jesus.  I am jumping off the train of insanity, and I am hoping to take others with me.  Wanna come?

Two Words

I've never done a link-up before, but her question intrigues me:

What is saving your life right now?

And after reading her answer, and finding it's not some rote, Sunday-school response, but real and practical and in-this-moment, I think I just might give it a try.

What's saving my life right now is two words.

Just two.

This from the person who almost always has more than enough words.

Over the last few months, God has been very choosy about what He speaks to me when I listen.  There are rumblings of multiple thoughts and ideas, but only two words are clear and repeated and undeniable.  I think He might be speaking so judiciously out of a plan to get me to focus.

The first is SLOW.

A foreign concept to me.  I am rarely slow, and to slow causes me anxiety.  I have been hearing this one for a while now, but wasn't certain how to obey.  I started doing individual actions slower, and praying and meditating on verses that relate to "slow" and "rest" and "be," but nothing really sunk in until last week.  Josh told me I seemed really scatterbrained, and I agreed that I was.  I was all over the place and had no idea how to fix it.  He asked what I needed; I said I didn't know, but if I had a client like me, I might suggest a break.

Long story shorter, I will be taking an extended break this fall- from shooting, editing, therapy, research, etc. I haven't even really wrapped my head around it or sorted out details, but we both feel peace that this is glorifying to the Lord.  And if I am honest, it's part of what's saving me right now.  I have lots more to say, but that will come another time.

The second is LEAN.


He spoke this to me Friday for the first time, so there has been significantly less fleshing-out of this concept for me.  But the thing that sticks out to me, that I love, is that to lean is an action.  It is not passive, it is something I can do.  I don't know why that makes a difference but it does.  And if it is important enough for God to say it clearly in this time of limited speaking on His part, it's important enough for me to follow.

What is saving your life right now?

Linking to www.sarahbessey.com.

Delete Distraction

I did something today that I am pretty sure I never thought I would do:


I deleted my Pinterest boards.


{FULL DISCLOSURE: I will continue to have a membership for if I need to search something specific, and a board for my clients.}
 

Yeah, I know.


It's something I believe I've felt the Lord leading me to for a few days now, but it {sadly} has taken that time for me to be obedient.


Because I like Pinterest.  Neat little organized virtual bulletin boards, what could be sinful about that?


But for me it was heading in that direction.


I love the concept, and I've been on there for a long, long time now.  The promise of perfection, of a Martha-Stewart-perfect world in which everything looked beautiful all the time.  Of efficiency, originality, creativity.  {Would you believe, though, that it has in many ways stifled my creativity????}  I had hundreds of pins, representing more time searching and browsing than I care to admit.  It began as a useful tool- a place to get ideas for and organize Christmas gifts and recipes.  I was drawn to the control of it all- no mess, no uncertainty, no real life.


But it has become a crutch and a temptation.  I've known since I was very young that whatever I do, I give 100%.  That has been a blessing and a curse.  Pinterest has become like one more to-do list in the back of my head, one of pressures and "shoulds" and I'd-be-a-better-wife-if and comparison and discontent and it brought me back to something I said when talking to a dear friend earlier this month:


"I just don't have time for satan's games."


We are on this earth for just a very short time.  I want to be full of Jesus, overflowing with the Holy Spirit with love to others.  I don't have room or time or resources to spare- we have a purpose and a calling and a reason He has placed us on this earth.  I am so grateful God opened my eyes before this became more of a issue.  Now that I've divorced myself from it, I am able to see more clearly what I distraction it had become.


And that is what scares me- distraction.


I've shared a lot on here about our desire to live simply.  Purposefully.  Free {as much as possible} from distractions.  We have very obviously seen the acquisition of material goods as distracting to us.  It's like every time you buy something new, satan whispers "More, more."  He is the father of lies, and he will do anything he can to get us to believe that Jesus isn't enough.


And that is a big, fat lie.  Jesus is enough.  No amount of perfect recipes or decor or fashion or crafts is going to satisfy.  They are here and gone, and leaving us wanting more.  But He is so faithful, drawing us near, loving, teaching, merciful, and caring.  He loves us as we REALLY are.  I'd rather work on that relationship than on false perfection any day.


I feel a little more free already.







***DISCLAIMER: This is not to be seen as a commentary on Pinterest in general, but on my personal experience.***

Patient

He calls me, to something I don't want.  Like so many times before.

"This wasn't part of our plan, God," I say.  Our plan?  Where do I get this stuff?

I say I want to obey, that I want His will, and most of the time I do.  Maybe 90%.  The times that I don't, I sometimes try to pretend, to lie to myself and to Him.  That doesn't get me very far.

And I walk in discipline, if not obedience, throwing God's promises in His face.  Taking on a rebellious teenage attitude with half my heart, and striving to glorify Him with the rest.  Reminding Him that I am only doing this because He promised that, as if He doesn't already know.

My flesh and spirit battle.

This is a war I know I can't win on my own, and I cry to Him for help.  And He listens, and lovingly responds.

To me.  The one who may have obeyed Him in action, but defied Him in my heart.

He is forgiving.  Patient.

I wonder in these times what He thinks.  Is He laughing at my foolishness?  Grieving in disappointment?  Fully expecting this is how I would respond?

Maybe all those things.

But He continues to wait on me, and holds hope for my growth and change and sanctification, even when I don't.

He shows me grace today.

And tomorrow, we will do it all over again.

4 Years

A few weeks ago, I had to travel to our hometown to do some photo sessions.  Josh wasn't coming until a few days later, so I was making the 3 hour drive by myself.  For the last year, I have mostly driven in with no music.  I used to listen to the radio, but I am  LOVING the silence.  It gives me time to listen and pray and process.  I am coming to cherish those times.

And, during this particular ride, I was processing this last year.

This past year (summer to summer) has been, perhaps, one of the more stressful of our lives. Not bad necessarily, but stressful.  There hasn't been any major crisis or anything, just tons of change and stress- both good and bad.  That is the main reason I haven't posted much on here- we have had little discretionary time, and we want to use it on relationships and such.  Here's a brief summary of the last 12 months:

***

We have moved- yet again- to a brand new town where we didn't know a soul.

Josh has had 4 jobs and 2 layoffs.  Oh, and the financial strain and job searching and uncertainty that all brings.

We have started a business- and labored and worried and prayed over it.  We LOVE it, but it definitely adds stress to our lives.

We have dealt with a significant, new, long-term health challenge.

We have searched for and found a new church.

I started full-time grad school and practicum.

Some of our loved ones have had VERY tough times, and we have hurt with them and prayed for them through grief, pain, and consequence. 

We have deeply missed many of the relationships we made in Namibia.

God speaks to our hearts and whispers parts of His plan, which left us with uncertainty when they didn't match what we originally thought.

We have no idea where our next move will be when I graduate in May.

And all this is just the stuff that I can repeat on the blog.

In summary, we have been in constant transition.  And honestly, transition just isn't my thing, you know?

At times, it has been overwhelming.

***

While thinking through this all in the car, I started thinking about transition and change and "home."  I have written about being homesick before, and I have realistic expectations about that "home" feeling.  We have now been in our townhome for 10 months, the longest we have lived in any place since we got married, and I have just started to refer to it as "home" instead of "the townhome."  I realized while driving that I have a new definition for home:

Earthly home = wherever Josh is.

Maybe this goes without saying for some people, but it hasn't always for me.  I love my husband more than any other person.  However, "home" has always been solidly defined as a specific place to me.  Those places will always mean a lot.  But this was a new realization for me, and served as a reminder that our relationship is always growing.

Seriously, he is amazing- I've said so before here and here.  And probably a ton of other places, but I really don't want to take the time to link to all of them. 

Our love continues to amaze me.  My love for him grows and grows, even when I think I can't love him any more than I already do.  He loves with grace and forgiveness- not holding grudges and accepting me for who I am.  And the best part of it all is that I know it is coming straight from the love and grace of Christ, because we are, on our own, selfish and unloving human beings.

But Jesus continues to show me His love through Josh. 

I stand in awe of what God has done and what He has brought us through in the 4 years that we have been married.  Yes, 4 years!  That's hard to wrap my mind around!  On one hand, I feel like we've been together forever- we started dating 8 years ago, we know each other better than anyone else, we often know what the other person is thinking before they say it.  On the other hand, we are constantly learning about each other, and I still often get butterflies in my stomach when I see him (especially if it's been a few days).

To My Dearest Joshua,

Happy Anniversary!  I wouldn't want to live my life married to anyone but you.  If you're up for it, I say we shoot for 75 years.  We'd be 96 and 97, so it's doable : )  Thank you for being the man God made you to be, and for loving me so well.  You are my perfect opposite, and best friend.  I never could have known when I met you that you would turn my life upside down- into one that is crazy and dangerous and barbaric (in all the best ways).  I praise God that He is bigger than my plans, and that His will was for us to be together.  I am grateful for your devotion to serving Jesus, and for the intentional way you strive to lead our family.  You are the water to my fire, perfect counterbalance.  As long as it's God's will that we both be on this earth, I'll cherish every moment with you.



I love you, I love you, I love you.

Your Princess *



*Yes, he actually calls me that!

Simple Decorating: Free Immortal Flowers

 This is the second post in a series about simple decorating.  I am not a decorator and this is not a decorating blog.  However, we have had to think creatively to decorate our rented townhome for very little money.  I am posting this in case it might inspire someone else who is in the same predicament.

This week's project is immortal flowers. 

Don't get me wrong, I love real flowers- but they are expensive and need natural light and eventually die.  I had TONS of ideas about what could go on or near our bathroom counter that would work well with our new window frame project, but after thinking awhile I realized that, even if they were free, they were not necessarily simple.  With our goal of simplifying our lives and our possessions, I wanted to make sure I wasn't just adding clutter to our home.

I originally found this post  for an adorable cardboard vase that I love.  However, I decided to make the flowers first (which come from this post ), and during that time I decided that I would just rather use a vase I already had than create something new.  [I have this tendency to think that making something free and recycled is always better, and I sometimes forget I already have something that will fulfill the purpose and save me some time.  I am trying to get over that.] 

As you’ll see in the link, Donatella from Inspiration &Realisation used magazine pages to make her flowers.  However, she talked about them being a little small and flimsy, and I definitely didn’t want that.  I looked through the few sheets of scrapbook paper I have left- I sold most of my supplies last year- and found several 8x8 sheets that were suitable and coordinated with the colors of my bathroom.  I cut those into 4 equal-ish squares, and then cut them in spirals.  The tutorial that she links to says to draw a spiral and then cut it, but I found that to be unnecessary.  I liked having flowers with more variation in the depth of their "petals", so I didn’t want a perfect spiral anyway.  I rolled half of the spirals with each paper design with the white side facing in, and half with the white side facing out.  I also used a few sheets of solid-color typing paper to fill in the “bouquet”- I cut those into six squares.

The next step was to go find some twigs.  [See?  Still FREE!]  The twigs we found behind our townhome had really bumpy, almost prickly bark, but we used the outside edge of a scissor to rub the outer bark off.  Then, I had Josh clear coat the twigs with spray paint, since I had an allergic reaction to the bark.  Oops.

We used 7 twigs that were a nice height for our vase.  You could use more if you want, but we're trying to keep this simple, remember?  I divided up the flowers so that I wouldn't end up with all one print on one of the twigs.  Then, I glued them on the twigs at random spacing by putting a generous drop of hot glue on the outside bottom of the spiral, and holding them to the twig until they dried.  This took a little while, but it wasn't too bad.  If you come up with a better way, please share it here!

Finally, you could clear coat the whole project with clear spray paint if you want to, but we chose not to.  The whole project cost $0!  Here are the results:

The bathroom is starting to come together.  More Simple Decorating to come next Friday!

Burden

I always miss Africa and the people there with whom we built relationships.  But some days- or most usually, nights- I miss Africa and her children more acutely.  I am deeply burdened, to the point that I experience it physically.  And I pray for them and think about them and love them, but it still hurts. 

And I want it to.

Not because I'm a masochist or experiencing self-hatred or something, but because I know it's part of God's way of communicating with me.  His children are hurting.  They may be a world away, but they are just as important to Him as any other human being.

He uses this pain to speak to me, to us.  Although we've been back for a while now, Josh and I talk- to God and to each other- about Africa all the time.  And He talks to us.  Not in long, drawn-out epics, but in tiny little snippets that remind us of His plan and His heart, and that remind us of where our plans and hearts need to be.

Following Him, at all cost.

And I beg Him to tell me more RIGHT NOW, because how can He expect me to live with this deep, aching pain in my heart if He won't tell me all the details of what to do about it?

But He has His plan, and His timing, and His way.

 ⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.
                                             - Isaiah 55:8-9

I thank Him and praise Him for His Word, for sharing these truths with me.  I am so grateful that, even when I don't know, He does.  I don't need to know, because He is all-knowing and loving and trustworthy.  I cling to these verses, as I have since He turned my heart to see Him in the people of Africa. Not only does He care fore me, but He cares for them, too.

Sometimes it hurts more than I think I can bear.  LOVE hurts.  Not in some 80's ballad sort of way, but in a real, sacrificial, Savior-dying-for-my-sins kind of way.  Jesus uses this burden to chip away at the hollow, hardened shell that is my heart, exchanging it for infusions of His.  All I can do is wait and listen and be revived.

That, and find comfort in the fact that God loves these people more than I do.  Even when I love with my whole heart, it pales in comparison.  He is more than enough for them- and me.

Simple Decorating: Bathroom Window Frames

First of all,  let me make it crystal clear that I am not a decorator and this is not a decorating blog.  However, we have had to think creatively to decorate our rented townhome for very little money.  I am just posting this in case it might inspire someone else who is in the same predicament.  There are a lot of ideas in the blogosphere and the rest of the internet that are said to be “budget-friendly,” but I have found that term to be used rather liberally.  Kitchen renovations for under $1000 is not the kind of budget I had in mind.  I’m looking for, say, a $0 or so budget.  Or at least as close to that as is possible.  It’s not that I don’t value my home, but rather that I’d like to spend the little money I have on something with more lasting value than fancy curtains or knick-knacks or rugs.  I just have this conviction that we should be able to have beautiful homes without spending a ton of money.

So, I’ve been scouring the internet- and my brain- to come up with some projects that are free or very close to it.  Of course, this all depends on what you have around the house, but the name of the game here is improvisation.  Overall, I want a simple home, but one that has character and creativity.  Thus, today begins a series of Friday posts all about simple decorating.  The projects must be inexpensive, simple, and renter-friendly.

I am obsessed with old window frames.  Hang around here for awhile, and you’re sure to see some.  As a photographer, I am constantly looking for new ways to display my photos- and for my clients to display their prints.  Last winter, Josh and I visited a local craft/artisan show that took place in this GORGEOUS theater that I’m  shooting a wedding in later this summer.  We met a woman there who makes gorgeous frames out of reclaimed barn wood, and I adored them.  After talking to her for a while, she mentioned that a woman that morning had told her about a bunch of old windows she was giving away. Josh called her, and a few weeks later we were the proud owners of 14 windows.  Unfortunately, they didn’t have the sashing I was hoping for, but I knew there was definite potential.  We now have a huge stack of windows in our garage that need to be put to good use.

We have a very long, narrow second bathroom near the back entry of the townhome.  It’s the least visible room in the house, which is probably why I started decorating there- I am not sure I trust myself! There is a lot of white wall space, but since we rent our townhome, painting is not an option.  We have never had a second bathroom before, so we had nothing to decorate it and we were starting from scratch. 

I knew I didn't want to go out and buy art if I didn't have to, so I decided that a row of three of our window frames would be the perfect way to decorate the longest wall.  At first, I thought about using them to display photos, but I always think pictures in a bathroom is a little creepy.  Instead, I decided some homemade art work was in order.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE all things vintage, so I knew I wanted a bright but slightly vintage color palette.  I went with red, yellow, sky blue, and a color similar to this.  I bought everything but the yellow in spray paint, because it was a lot less expensive and I didn’t need a lot of paint.  I bought the smallest can of paint I could in yellow, because I didn’t like any of the yellow shades they had in spray paint.  Altogether, the paint cost around $14.

Coming up with a design was a little more complicated.  I had just taught two of my best friends how to paint with paper doilies, and I came up with this idea of layering designs with different colors- it’s hard to explain, but it looked great in my mind.  The only problem is that using intricate stencils- like doilies- on glass is way more challenging than I thought.  I found it almost impossible to get a clean edge, and with this much detail going on, that was imperative.  Time for plan B:  I decided to use a pack of foam brushes (like the round ones in this pack.  I have seen entirely round packs at both Walmart and Joann Fabrics, but I couldn’t find a picture online) to make a little landscape. I think these cost about $4.  [Note: if you use these with spray paint, you will NOT be able to get them completely clean.  I ended up having to throw most of mine away.]

*** Super-Important:  This project involves painting the back side of the glass so the window covers the painting when it is hanging on the wall.  Therefore, painting depth will be the opposite of regular painting.  For example, instead of painting flower petals and then adding  stigma (or the center part of the flower), you must instead paint the stigma first and then the petals, so that you can see both through the glass.***

I used the round brushes as petals and stigmas, and just layered different sizes and colors.  There is no “right” way to do this, just whatever looks best to you.

Here are a few shots of how I designed the flowers (I apologize for the extremely warm lighting in my bathroom- I didn't have time to edit):

 When I had completed the flowers, I used a children's art brush that we had lying around to draw stems and create grass.  If you wanted to, you could add so many more details, but I was happy with the way they looked at this point, so I decided to stop.  

[Note: before I forget, if you don't have window frames, you could easily substitute some old picture frames.]

The finishing steps were super easy.  Josh painted the wooden edges of the frames red (with more of the red spray paint), and let them dry completely.  Then, he used medium-grit sand paper that we had on hand to distress the edges.  When you move as much as we do, you grow to love distressed furniture.  If it gets scratched while moving, it just adds to the look!  Then, he gave the wood and the painted side of the frame a clear coat of spray paint to protect it.  This step would not be necessary, but we want to make sure these last for a while.

Our finished product (well, almost- I couldn't get all three frames in one picture) :

Overall, I estimate that buying decorations for this wall would have conservatively cost around $15 per piece, or $45 for the set.  That would be bare minimum.  The project cost us around $18, so I estimate a savings of $27.  That's $27 going to Africa!

More simple decorating to come next Friday.

Why I Dislike School Breaks

I have a few weeks of school break right now, and it’s totally throwing me.   

Confession: I despise school breaks.  I know, I’m a freak- there, I said it for you.   

Don’t get me wrong- when I was a kid I looked forward to school breaks just like any other normal kid.  Mine were always filled with day camps and parties and playdates and enrichment classes and family time, and I loved every second.

Somewhere along the line, all that changed.

School breaks mark some of the most stressful and depressed times of my life.  I didn’t even realize this until last fall, but since then I’ve thought a lot about it.  I think I’ve discovered the reason behind the insanity:

I have ridiculous expectations.

So, that’s pretty much the story of my life, but it gets especially out of hand on school vacation.  During the school year, I am completely busy with going to school full time and running a business.  I find I cut myself a little slack (lest I die from over-exertion).  However, in the back of my mind I am always making promises that when finals are over I will:

Finish decorating the house (perfectly, of course)…

Return all those emails and facebook messages…

Catch up on all my photo editing…

Organize the file cabinet…

Do spring cleaning…

Get in shape…

Visit all the family and friends we miss…

Handwrite letters…

Make those sewing alterations…

Apply for scholarships…

Update my [long-neglected] blog…

Look at PhD programs…

Begin my research for next year…

Take cookies and introduce ourselves to the neighbors we haven’t met since we moved here in September…

Finally create and order our wedding photo book… 4 years after we got married…and did I mention I’m a photographer?!

And a million other things.  All within the 3 week time span I have off from school.  Oh, and I will rest and relax so chronic illness doesn’t rear it’s ugly head.

But it just never works out that way.  Instead, I get sick as a result of pushing my body too hard the last semester.  And I do too much too soon since I set expectations that were too high, so I spend the entire break feeling icky.  I have no structure or deadlines so I don’t know what to tackle when; I feel like I run in circles.  I panic because I only have ___ number of days left to get all this done!!!  I begin to feel purposeless.

It doesn’t feel much like vacation.  

I wish I could wrap this post up in some cute, neat little package, complete with a “life lesson.”  I know I could write about God’s mandate for us to rest, or about balance, or relaxation, or not finding our value in efficiency.   I see that potential there, but that’s just not where I am at right now.  I want to be sincere with you, and right now that is just to leave it open-ended.  To sit with the discomfort.  To accept reality right now for what it is.  It might not be ideal, but it’s real and genuine… and I can live with that.

What is your reality right now?

Mission Report

Hi Everyone!  I haven't had much time to write here lately, but I want to let you all know we will be having a gathering focused on our time in Africa very soon.  Here are some details:

Missions Report from Josh and Nicole on their service in Namibia


Saturday, April 9 beginning at 6:30

Calvary Baptist Church
1620 Bridge Ave
Albert Lea, MN 56007

Talk about time in Africa followed by Question and Answer session (please come with questions!)

There will be lots of pictures and stories, as well as songs, dance, cultural artifacts, and language.

Children are welcome- this would be a great learning experience!
 
I know this is short-ish notice, but we recently realized that our summer schedule is really filling up.  (Can you believe we have already booked 13 weddings?  God continually surprises me- more on that later.)  We don't want to put it off any longer.  If you can't make it, but would like us to speak at your church or group, just send me a message and we will see what we can do!

More of Africa 2

More unshared pictures of our life overseas;

In Rehoboth and Rundu:

 A playground in Rundu- few and far between in Africa.  Almost certainly built by foreigners, but greatly enjoyed by the locals. 

 Two boys hanging out under an acacia tree:

 These kids came to play at 5am!

 Mokoros (dugout canoes) on the Kavango River:

 The seven girls (of 24 students) that I taught at Kwakwas.  They called this sand a "river" because it would fill with water (for a few days) during rainy season.

 Some of the youth center kids:

Taken in Block E.  To me this is an amazing reminder that in spite of poverty, kids just want to be kids.  Their resilience inspires me.